jump for joy

The reason I moved to Bombay.

A few hugged me and said, "Go get her!" Some wished me luck. Some thought I was a fool and some others said nothing at all. One even predicted marriage.

Falling in love has to be the bes thing ever. A brother might beat me on the head for saying this but it's true. It's been fucking spectacular. Lunatic grin. Can't stop. Fucking Metronome. I love her and I can't stop smiling.

"Jump For Joy"

fulfillment

She held me. Face down. On the narrow bed. She ran her fingers over my naked back. She tried to relax me for what was coming. Too stiff. I could not unclench. She was going to cut me. I knew it. She knew i. I just seemed like he right thing to do. Didn't stop me from being afraid. Her fingers felt like blades of grass. A part of me wished she would never stop. A part of me wanted to scream at her to stop. She tried to massage my shoulders. I would not yield. I begged her to put it off. I don't want to do this, I said. She looked at me. She shamed me with a smile. I knew I wanted it. I knew I was just scared.

She cut me.

And all I did was scream.

Now

kiss me. now. we will not talk of it. ever. jus kiss me. now !
i must feel you. inside me. i must.
know what you taste like. you cannot deprive me.
you cannot rob me of this. you cannot cheat me out of your sweet saliva
kiss me. now.

feed me. now. i will be your slave. just feed me.
now. you must. my stomach churns.
my heart. i cannot feel it beating. i must be alive. not for long now.
you cannot let me die. you cannot lay claim to apathy.
can't you see i'm starving ?
feed me. now.

kill me. now. i know you want to. just kill me. now.
you must. i do not want this. not anymore.
you mus not be scared. remember me for what i was.
fear is your enemy. i know you want to.
so, what do you have to be scared of ?
kill me. now.

update

Its been a month since I moved to Bombay, today. So far its been good. I survived the floods, changed jobs and am generally in a happy place.

The rains were unlike anything I've ever experienced before. I never thought I'd be scared of the rain but I am now. I actually had an easy time of it. It started raining at about 12 noon Tuesday and didn't stop. I spent the night at work, and left in the morning at about ten. It was only when I got home and turned on the news that I started seeing the horror stories. People walking home in chest deep water (some in neck deep water), people suffocating and drowning in their cars, people being washed away... the list of horrors is seemingly endless. They were still pulling out bodies from drains on Thursday morning and they're still doing that I guess.
The weather's clearing now and the city seems to be limping back to some level of normalcy.

I changed jobs. Yes Dear Diary, that was quick. I'm working for Barclays now in a proper banking process and I'm actually looking forward to going to work everyday. The money's pretty damn good too. Quite happy.

Current playlist:
Paradise Lost - Symbol Of Life
Skyclad - Irrational Anthems
Thin Lizzy - Bad Reputation
Scorn - Zander
Linda Perry - In Flight
Uriah Heep - Look At Yourself