So here we are again. There's an eclipse afoot and I'm pretty sure some virgins somewhere are being sacrificed. I've been told not to go out and not eat anything. Even got a phone call to make sure I was indoors. I'm hungry and restless and idle and that old cliché about idleness is very true. Bored and lonely, red eyed and thirsty. Also hungry and restless. Still.
I made a new compilation for the car. Yes, I was that bored. I thought last night that I would be productive today. Clean my room, catch up on some stuff etc and right now I have no mood for anything. I hooked up my speakers and Alkaline are doing their weird dub thing and it's all really a mood thing. I think too much when I'm like this.
I think I should sleep. Fantastic Mr. Fox really was quite fantastic. I hope it comes to the theaters here. In the Woods doing White Rabbit. What a fucked up crazy band. I need some In the Woods CDs. Later.
We are Gods dreams.
I think I need exercise. This laziness is getting tiresome. Jet City Woman after what seems like ages. Crows outside. Also a huge bat that terrorizes the night sky just outside my window. Traffic's back on the street. Is the worst over? I hope so.
A man walks into a bar and says “gimme a baccardi and coke”
The back of beyond repair welcomes the broken and the broke
Friday, January 15, 2010
Friday, January 08, 2010
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
and she walked
Do you know women who become more and more attractive as they grow older? I do. This post is about one of them. It's about me also. Maybe. Mostly about her though.
12:40pm Lunch break. Everyone's out. Inmates trying to make the most of the 35 minutes on offer before going back to the torture chambers. There's chaos. Noise; both human and machine. The jocks are heading to the basket ball court. The smokers are heading for the road. The nerds are heading to the library. Father's looking, hands on hips, magnifying glass firmly entrenched in his pocket. And then she starts to walk.
Not a blade of grass on the back lawns. Not the leaves on the Ashoka trees. Not the boys playing basketball. Hell, not even the ball. Nothing moved when she walked. When she started from the back and walked all the way out of college. It was like the world stopped to watch her walk. 12:40 pm, every single afternoon. Lunch break was forgotten. Time moved on, we stood still and she walked.
Mr. Kennedy started talking about controlling impure thoughts in Tuesday morning value education classes. I started visiting the graveyard. She still walked out everyday and we all still watched.
Yes. Me too. I watched her walking out. I had a vantage point. Unfortunately I didn't have motivation. My maroon tinted vision just made everything seem pointless and it didn't help that both her brothers were my corex buddies.
Then one day at about 12:45pm maybe, she crossed the road. Came right up to where we were sitting. Regarded us with an icy fucking stare as she lit her navy cut.
“You're dropping me home. Let's go.”
Everything went sort of dark when she told me I was dropping her home. Everything disintegrated into sheer panic when she told me to come in. I fainted when I finally realised she'd been calling me by name.
I remember afternoons spent locked in a tiny room listening to her dreams, to her plans and wondering why I had none. Mornings spent walking through the graveyard talking about death and being morbid. Looking at each other through clouds of grey smoke from morning to dusk and breathing in that sickly sweet stench as if it would make us immortal and then doing the same thing every day for the next six months. She knew it was only a matter of time before everything ended. She knew this entire scene came with an expiry date and sure enough, everything ended. One whole scene. Like 2012 with fewer survivors. It had to.
We stopped our morning walks in the graveyard once the last body was buried, we slowly stopped everything. We said goodbye. I didn't see her for almost a year after that. When I finally saw her again it was like always. She'd talk, I'd nod along, she'd talk some more I'd nod some more and then she'd steal all my cigarettes and send me out for more.
She was a survivor. Still is. All of the skullfucks that life threw her way didn't change her. She walked through it all and thrived quite literally in the face of adversity.
When she left for foreign climes I thought I was finally saying goodbye. Life moved and took me places. I forgot mostly. Then, two years ago I saw her again. Watched for a while. Then watched some more. It took me a while to work up the courage to go say hi. What if she'd forgotten. What is she'd forgotten and would stare at me with that same icy cold look that used to freeze my blood when I was seventeen? Were those 2 little girls her children? I did say hi finally, eventually.
She was the same mostly. When the past was the present she was the only one who knew how shitty it was but now it's all rose tinted glasses and a longing for the good old days which were anything but good. She still talks a lot. Like non fucking stop. She still has her hopes and dreams. She still continues to thrive. In spite of the skullfucks and a life that sees her walking through minefields too often for comfort. Maybe because of it.
The world still stops when she walks. The world still looks. I should be resentful but I'm too busy looking. She thrives in the face of adversity. It doesn't matter how she does it. She thrives and I'm glad she's around.
We'd survived a scene that died. Maybe our corner of ganja park was special, maybe she still had some functioning brain cells, maybe it was something else entirely but I digress. This is still about her and she thrived. She lived, loved, lost and did everything beautiful people do I guess. It was like she took every curve ball life threw at her and somehow came out fitter, better, faster even if not always a winner.
She saved my life once upon a time and is still charging me for it. I wouldn't have it any other way.
12:40pm Lunch break. Everyone's out. Inmates trying to make the most of the 35 minutes on offer before going back to the torture chambers. There's chaos. Noise; both human and machine. The jocks are heading to the basket ball court. The smokers are heading for the road. The nerds are heading to the library. Father's looking, hands on hips, magnifying glass firmly entrenched in his pocket. And then she starts to walk.
Not a blade of grass on the back lawns. Not the leaves on the Ashoka trees. Not the boys playing basketball. Hell, not even the ball. Nothing moved when she walked. When she started from the back and walked all the way out of college. It was like the world stopped to watch her walk. 12:40 pm, every single afternoon. Lunch break was forgotten. Time moved on, we stood still and she walked.
Mr. Kennedy started talking about controlling impure thoughts in Tuesday morning value education classes. I started visiting the graveyard. She still walked out everyday and we all still watched.
Yes. Me too. I watched her walking out. I had a vantage point. Unfortunately I didn't have motivation. My maroon tinted vision just made everything seem pointless and it didn't help that both her brothers were my corex buddies.
Then one day at about 12:45pm maybe, she crossed the road. Came right up to where we were sitting. Regarded us with an icy fucking stare as she lit her navy cut.
“You're dropping me home. Let's go.”
Everything went sort of dark when she told me I was dropping her home. Everything disintegrated into sheer panic when she told me to come in. I fainted when I finally realised she'd been calling me by name.
I remember afternoons spent locked in a tiny room listening to her dreams, to her plans and wondering why I had none. Mornings spent walking through the graveyard talking about death and being morbid. Looking at each other through clouds of grey smoke from morning to dusk and breathing in that sickly sweet stench as if it would make us immortal and then doing the same thing every day for the next six months. She knew it was only a matter of time before everything ended. She knew this entire scene came with an expiry date and sure enough, everything ended. One whole scene. Like 2012 with fewer survivors. It had to.
We stopped our morning walks in the graveyard once the last body was buried, we slowly stopped everything. We said goodbye. I didn't see her for almost a year after that. When I finally saw her again it was like always. She'd talk, I'd nod along, she'd talk some more I'd nod some more and then she'd steal all my cigarettes and send me out for more.
She was a survivor. Still is. All of the skullfucks that life threw her way didn't change her. She walked through it all and thrived quite literally in the face of adversity.
When she left for foreign climes I thought I was finally saying goodbye. Life moved and took me places. I forgot mostly. Then, two years ago I saw her again. Watched for a while. Then watched some more. It took me a while to work up the courage to go say hi. What if she'd forgotten. What is she'd forgotten and would stare at me with that same icy cold look that used to freeze my blood when I was seventeen? Were those 2 little girls her children? I did say hi finally, eventually.
She was the same mostly. When the past was the present she was the only one who knew how shitty it was but now it's all rose tinted glasses and a longing for the good old days which were anything but good. She still talks a lot. Like non fucking stop. She still has her hopes and dreams. She still continues to thrive. In spite of the skullfucks and a life that sees her walking through minefields too often for comfort. Maybe because of it.
The world still stops when she walks. The world still looks. I should be resentful but I'm too busy looking. She thrives in the face of adversity. It doesn't matter how she does it. She thrives and I'm glad she's around.
We'd survived a scene that died. Maybe our corner of ganja park was special, maybe she still had some functioning brain cells, maybe it was something else entirely but I digress. This is still about her and she thrived. She lived, loved, lost and did everything beautiful people do I guess. It was like she took every curve ball life threw at her and somehow came out fitter, better, faster even if not always a winner.
She saved my life once upon a time and is still charging me for it. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
2009
2009 in review. What might be a rambling, pointless and overlong review, much like that Deathspell Omega one somewhere here and you might wish I'd never put it up but what the hell, why not?
Things started well. Mostly. The 1st of the year started according to plan. Ihsahn ends A Grave Inversed with the closing riff on 21st Century Schizoid Man. I might be hearing things that aren't necessarily there. Yes, the years big shift was in finally getting out of jail. Finally saying fuck you, I don't need your job, a job or any job. Fucking awesome. I think I'd been building up to this for a while now with my serial jumping but I really enjoyed the final resignation. A bit more than when I quit Barclays.
This year was also great for trying new things and the opportunity. Thank you 2009. Nice of you.
I had an absolutely terrific holiday for 2 days in Suratkal. But it's Suratkal and an awesome holiday there is pretty much the default setting. That first morning was fucking epic. Thank you Kau. This was actually the only holiday I had. All other plans met with disaster and personal tragedy.
I finally met an old friend for the first time and lost all sense of proportion. It's been a pretty wild ride so far. Exhilarating even if a bit strange.
I lost my grandparents. It's not something I'm totally at peace about. Zen has not happened. It happened way too quickly. Like, what was the hurry? I'm a bit angry but mostly just sad. In other news I'm off to Mangalore next weekend for my third 13th day ceremony in the last 5 months. Terrible.
I heard a lot of music this year. More different shit than ever before. I didn't read much though, Hardly. I did read Toll the Hounds and Dust of Dreams in the same year. I'll read it this year too when it finally gets here and I get my own copy. Don't remember reading anything else with that much excitement. Saw some really fantastic movies but mostly I think 2009 was all about the music.
Oh, by the way I almost forgot. I turned 30 this year. I had no epiphany, no morning after sickness or revelation. I was just another day older.
I had a mostly sober year. Sober as in calm and peaceful at least when it came to hanging out with the boys. Wednesday nights meant going to Tavern a lot and we started a mid week pit stop. Weekends were spent mostly getting hammered but with very little driving around and behaving badly. It was pretty good.
My 2009 sounds a bit drab. I hit a guy. He was asking for it and he provoked me but I probably shouldn't have. Still, I felt pretty good once my heart went back to its normal rate.
Okay, After is an altogether different beast compared to the first two albums. There are elements but the Spiral Architect rhtyhm section seems to have more freedom here. Also the saxophonist adds a very avante garde feel to the sound. This is quite a dense piece of work from Ihsahn. It doesn't have the immediate catchy feel of Angl but I've been listening to it for a while now and it's mostly awesome. I think as good as Angl, probably better but also a bit different. This fellow's brilliant but I'm also totally digressing.
This year I would like to make a few changes. I don't know what exactly but I'll write about it here once I know. I'm quitting cigarettes as of tomorrow morning. I think it's big deal even if I've quit 4 times in 2009. I'm also going to take up swimming and yoga.
Coming back to 2009, it was a strange year. It was filled with chance and coincidences and weird skullfuck moments that more often than not ended with more skullfucking. I had some absolutely terrific highs and also some totally horrendous lows. I put my plans in place very nicely and everything turned out pretty fucking well but then I realised it wasn't really enough. I wanted different things and freedom only means something if you know what to do with it. Some of it worked, some flopped but I'm going to try it all. Like I said at the start, awesome.
Okay, it's back to being really cold. I'm going to go back downstairs. I hope I haven't forgotten some epochal moment. I don't think so. I also don't think I can give the past year any sort of rating. Too much happened. Good things and bad things that were not comparable to each other in any way. A year pretty much filled with some strange confusion. Like it wasn't sure which direction it wanted to go in. I managed as best I could although I did have a few moments of weakness.
If I had a chance to do it all over again I'd do the same shit all over again. I think that's a fair year.
Things started well. Mostly. The 1st of the year started according to plan. Ihsahn ends A Grave Inversed with the closing riff on 21st Century Schizoid Man. I might be hearing things that aren't necessarily there. Yes, the years big shift was in finally getting out of jail. Finally saying fuck you, I don't need your job, a job or any job. Fucking awesome. I think I'd been building up to this for a while now with my serial jumping but I really enjoyed the final resignation. A bit more than when I quit Barclays.
This year was also great for trying new things and the opportunity. Thank you 2009. Nice of you.
I had an absolutely terrific holiday for 2 days in Suratkal. But it's Suratkal and an awesome holiday there is pretty much the default setting. That first morning was fucking epic. Thank you Kau. This was actually the only holiday I had. All other plans met with disaster and personal tragedy.
I finally met an old friend for the first time and lost all sense of proportion. It's been a pretty wild ride so far. Exhilarating even if a bit strange.
I lost my grandparents. It's not something I'm totally at peace about. Zen has not happened. It happened way too quickly. Like, what was the hurry? I'm a bit angry but mostly just sad. In other news I'm off to Mangalore next weekend for my third 13th day ceremony in the last 5 months. Terrible.
I heard a lot of music this year. More different shit than ever before. I didn't read much though, Hardly. I did read Toll the Hounds and Dust of Dreams in the same year. I'll read it this year too when it finally gets here and I get my own copy. Don't remember reading anything else with that much excitement. Saw some really fantastic movies but mostly I think 2009 was all about the music.
Oh, by the way I almost forgot. I turned 30 this year. I had no epiphany, no morning after sickness or revelation. I was just another day older.
I had a mostly sober year. Sober as in calm and peaceful at least when it came to hanging out with the boys. Wednesday nights meant going to Tavern a lot and we started a mid week pit stop. Weekends were spent mostly getting hammered but with very little driving around and behaving badly. It was pretty good.
My 2009 sounds a bit drab. I hit a guy. He was asking for it and he provoked me but I probably shouldn't have. Still, I felt pretty good once my heart went back to its normal rate.
Okay, After is an altogether different beast compared to the first two albums. There are elements but the Spiral Architect rhtyhm section seems to have more freedom here. Also the saxophonist adds a very avante garde feel to the sound. This is quite a dense piece of work from Ihsahn. It doesn't have the immediate catchy feel of Angl but I've been listening to it for a while now and it's mostly awesome. I think as good as Angl, probably better but also a bit different. This fellow's brilliant but I'm also totally digressing.
This year I would like to make a few changes. I don't know what exactly but I'll write about it here once I know. I'm quitting cigarettes as of tomorrow morning. I think it's big deal even if I've quit 4 times in 2009. I'm also going to take up swimming and yoga.
Coming back to 2009, it was a strange year. It was filled with chance and coincidences and weird skullfuck moments that more often than not ended with more skullfucking. I had some absolutely terrific highs and also some totally horrendous lows. I put my plans in place very nicely and everything turned out pretty fucking well but then I realised it wasn't really enough. I wanted different things and freedom only means something if you know what to do with it. Some of it worked, some flopped but I'm going to try it all. Like I said at the start, awesome.
Okay, it's back to being really cold. I'm going to go back downstairs. I hope I haven't forgotten some epochal moment. I don't think so. I also don't think I can give the past year any sort of rating. Too much happened. Good things and bad things that were not comparable to each other in any way. A year pretty much filled with some strange confusion. Like it wasn't sure which direction it wanted to go in. I managed as best I could although I did have a few moments of weakness.
If I had a chance to do it all over again I'd do the same shit all over again. I think that's a fair year.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
dead years and dead smiles
The new year is fast approaching and I'm bored for way too much of the time and sad and restless and empty for the rest of the time. Without getting overly dramatic I think the last 6 months of 2009 have been more than a little crazy and I don't remember the first 6.
laughter lines run deeper than skin and the world's just something that the cat dragged in
I've been listening to a fair bit of anarcho punk lately. Not sure yet what this genre entails in terms of music but they have some severely strong political views. Anyway, what is the musical commonality between Aus Rotten, CRASS and Chumbawamba? I'll be fucked if I know but all three are this strange genre called anarcho punk. They hate fascists, rascists and all bad people and seem like nice liberal people. I don't have a problem with NSBM and I don't have a problem with anarcho punk. I like them both but I'm guessing both camps hate each other.
The biggest surprise though was going to these sites and finding out that Chumbawamba is considered punk. WTF! How? This is the same band that made Tub Thumping, Laughter in the Time of War and acapella covers of The Clash. Punk? I didn't think so. Very cool band though and here's them doing an acoustic version of Homophobia
CRASS on the other hand sound like nothing I've ever heard before. At least their early stuff seemed like punk and they slowly moved away to do their own uniquely British sound. I fell in love with this band a while back and this was where it all started pretty much. At least with me listening to punk.
Aus Rotten are angry motherfuckers. And probably vegans and straight edge and everything and also American and hardcore but anarchists and I guess why they're labelled anarcho punk along with everything else ...And Now Back To Our Regular Programming sounds fucking angry and comes with the most scary tobacco ad I've heard.
So anyway, time pass post. and I'll leave you dear diary with the longest album name ever.
The biggest surprise though was going to these sites and finding out that Chumbawamba is considered punk. WTF! How? This is the same band that made Tub Thumping, Laughter in the Time of War and acapella covers of The Clash. Punk? I didn't think so. Very cool band though and here's them doing an acoustic version of Homophobia
CRASS on the other hand sound like nothing I've ever heard before. At least their early stuff seemed like punk and they slowly moved away to do their own uniquely British sound. I fell in love with this band a while back and this was where it all started pretty much. At least with me listening to punk.
Aus Rotten are angry motherfuckers. And probably vegans and straight edge and everything and also American and hardcore but anarchists and I guess why they're labelled anarcho punk along with everything else ...And Now Back To Our Regular Programming sounds fucking angry and comes with the most scary tobacco ad I've heard.
So anyway, time pass post. and I'll leave you dear diary with the longest album name ever.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
a lost case, never found
I used to talk a lot
then stayed silent for too long
I used to bite off more than I could chew
then stopped biting for a time
I washed my best friend's blood
Off my hands and face
Then spoke about it to no one no one no one
I used to play and sing and dance
then stopped it for nothing at all
I used to live in fits and starts
and then stopped to drift
No way was I putting my foot in it
a big ugly festering pool of slime
Instead I washed in her sins and felt clean
I held too many secrets for far too long
Then tried to stop but couldn't
Holding it in is easy when you have practice
But when my brain runs in slow motion
and my tongue starts to wander
I find myself opening the lock on the door
More and more often.
then stayed silent for too long
I used to bite off more than I could chew
then stopped biting for a time
I washed my best friend's blood
Off my hands and face
Then spoke about it to no one no one no one
I used to play and sing and dance
then stopped it for nothing at all
I used to live in fits and starts
and then stopped to drift
No way was I putting my foot in it
a big ugly festering pool of slime
Instead I washed in her sins and felt clean
I held too many secrets for far too long
Then tried to stop but couldn't
Holding it in is easy when you have practice
But when my brain runs in slow motion
and my tongue starts to wander
I find myself opening the lock on the door
More and more often.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
THC for one
I think tomorrow's going to be a bit weird. I'll remain discrete as much as I want to tell the whole world about it. You're the only one who'll know. Weird craziness more like. Like.
I found a new band today. New for me at least. O' Death, play some really American music. Bluegrass, country, soul all wrapped up somehow in a punk attitude with some serious songwriting chops. I'm liking this band a lot.
Also, A Girl Called Eddy. This is quite nice. Listening to all this pop music is somehow liberating. I feel gay but I'm okay with it. I'm also really thinking about adding a disclaimer.
I'm very bored. I had a stab at finishing something and couldn't but this band is so good. I'm rambling. Ha. I saw a fantastic movie called The Hurt Locker about a bomb disposal squad of three American soldiers in Iraq. I think my biggest mistake in life was made a long time ago. I think I'm eternally grateful. I think I'm living in fits and starts. I think I should stop but sometimes you just don't want to. I play Mario and can't get past level 4. I play cricket and my shoulder hurts for a day. Fits and starts. Life. Being old means living less? I hope not. I feel particularly young and energetic on a good day but most days are just a bit dull. I do the same things over and over but I wouldn't change a thing. Like the reporter said, “where else will I go?”
I'm also feeling very nostalgic man. I walked by Kanti Sweets the other day looking at my old college. It was reassuring to see a bunch of college kids sitting on the steps of the sweet shop but they were actually eating sweets. The cold badam milk used to be insane there. The coffee used to suck ass.
I cannot tell a lie. I can and I do. I'm going to be telling some whoppers tomorrow at around 10:30 am. Again, you're the only one who knows. The weird craziness never goes away. Not fully. Scott H Biram as another new discovery. Very nice. I think my work is done here now but I'll hang on for a bit. I'm hoping for inspiration but will settle for a good movie. I'm holding my hand over my heart but my fingers are crossed. Can't hold on in this quicksand ground and I'm sinking in it. This year, my big discovery was outlaw country and just plain country.
My work here is done.
I found a new band today. New for me at least. O' Death, play some really American music. Bluegrass, country, soul all wrapped up somehow in a punk attitude with some serious songwriting chops. I'm liking this band a lot.
Also, A Girl Called Eddy. This is quite nice. Listening to all this pop music is somehow liberating. I feel gay but I'm okay with it. I'm also really thinking about adding a disclaimer.
I'm very bored. I had a stab at finishing something and couldn't but this band is so good. I'm rambling. Ha. I saw a fantastic movie called The Hurt Locker about a bomb disposal squad of three American soldiers in Iraq. I think my biggest mistake in life was made a long time ago. I think I'm eternally grateful. I think I'm living in fits and starts. I think I should stop but sometimes you just don't want to. I play Mario and can't get past level 4. I play cricket and my shoulder hurts for a day. Fits and starts. Life. Being old means living less? I hope not. I feel particularly young and energetic on a good day but most days are just a bit dull. I do the same things over and over but I wouldn't change a thing. Like the reporter said, “where else will I go?”
I'm also feeling very nostalgic man. I walked by Kanti Sweets the other day looking at my old college. It was reassuring to see a bunch of college kids sitting on the steps of the sweet shop but they were actually eating sweets. The cold badam milk used to be insane there. The coffee used to suck ass.
I cannot tell a lie. I can and I do. I'm going to be telling some whoppers tomorrow at around 10:30 am. Again, you're the only one who knows. The weird craziness never goes away. Not fully. Scott H Biram as another new discovery. Very nice. I think my work is done here now but I'll hang on for a bit. I'm hoping for inspiration but will settle for a good movie. I'm holding my hand over my heart but my fingers are crossed. Can't hold on in this quicksand ground and I'm sinking in it. This year, my big discovery was outlaw country and just plain country.
My work here is done.
Put. That. Coffee. Down. Coffee's for closers only.
Today, I remembered exactly why I love Alec Baldwin. I think anybody who's ever been in a sales situation at work can relate. Awesome dialogues, awesome Baldwin. Fantastic movie.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
close shaves
I just finished a rather fine shave to go along with the one I had yesterday. The lawyer's calling it the hump of the century. I'm glad he managed to fall straight down. A little bit to the left or the right would have been danger.
Today gives fuck all a whole new meaning and depth.
Today gives fuck all a whole new meaning and depth.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Best ofs :)
2009 - extreme metal
1.Goatwhore – Apocalyptic Havoc
(From the album Carving Out The Eyes of God)
The opening riff is one of the most unabashed kick ass riffs I’ve heard all year and this song just makes me want to bang my head. Awesome opener from a great album.
2.Sacrifice – Tetragrammaton
(From the album The Ones I Condemn)
The comeback album of the year and the bands best by a long way. This song is awesome mid pace thrash metal.
3.Napalm Death – Time Waits for No Slave
(From the album time waits for no slave)
It’s Napalm like they’ve always been but also just a little bit better than the last couple of albums.
4.Earth Crisis – To Ashes
(From the album To the Death)
Metal-core in the truest sense of the word. Earth Crisis will kick your head in.
5.Vomitory – Serpents
(From the album Carnage Euphoria)
Old school death metal done superbly
6.Hearse – The Moth
(From the album Single Ticket to Paradise)
This band does not get enough love. Awesome guitar work on this song and Liiva’s vocals have never sounded this good.
7.Martyrdod – Gloria Runt Iris
(From the album Sekt)
Another band that seems to exist only to cause aural carnage. Fantastic.
8.Immortal – Rise of Darkness
(From the album All Shall fall)
Spoke too soon about the Sacrifice. This is probably the comeback of the year)
9.Marduk – Funeral Dawn
(From the album Wormwood)
Marduk has grown in leaps and bounds over the last two albums and this song is pretty much the pinnacle of the new Marduk)
10.
(From the album Resplendent Grotesque)
It’s been a great year for extreme metal bands with a slight black metal touch and
11.Wolves in the Throne Room – A Looming Resonance
(From the ep Malevolent Grain)
Getting the chick from Hammers of Misfortune to sing over the band’s sludgy black metal was a masterstroke.
12.Anaal Nathrakh – More of Fire than Blood
(From the album In the Constellation of the Black Widow)
Just when I thought I’d be getting a cleaner less dangerous Nathrakh, these two fellows pulled out all the stops and showed off a perfect exercise in brutality. Just awesome from start to finish.
2009 – Sludge, stoner and other heavy shit
1.Giant Squid – Dead Man’s Slough
(From the album The Ichthyologist)
More Tom Waits sounding that sludge but awesome song from a fantastic album)
2.A Storm of Light – Midnight
(From the album Forgive Us Our Trespasses)
Call it whatever you want to but this band blew my mind with their mix of post metal, Neurosis inspired sludge and total Euro doom worship. Awesome shit.
3.16 – Man Interrupted
(From the album Bridges to Burn)
Sludgy heavy goodness.
4.Coalesce – Wild Ox Moan
(From the album Ox)
Down and dirty delta blues done in the band’s very own apocalyptic hardcore style. One of my favourite songs this year from any genre.
5.Keelhaul – THC for One
(From the album Triumphant Return to Obscurity)
The more I heard this album the more I liked it till the liking became a deep love and left me in awe
6.Taint – Black Rain
(From the ep All Bees to the Sea)
Awesome. Never been a fan but this little ep blew my mind
7.Minsk – Three Moons
(From the album Echoes in the Movement of Stone)
This band is getting better and better with every release and the new album is an absolute killer.
8.Kongh – Voice of the Below
(From the album Shadows of the Shapeless)
Kongh just upped the level of their game this year. The album is a monster and this song is brilliant.
9.Salome – With Hell for a Mouth
(From the split album with Thou called Our Enemy Civilisation)
Two of my favourite sludge bands got together this year for a split album that’s been blowing my mind. This is Salome at their best.
10.Gaza – The Meat of a Leg Joint
(From the album He is Never Coming Back)
Second album and this band have already come up with an album that is very very close to being an absolute classic. Fantastic stuff.
11.Cable – The Failed Convict
(From the album The Failed Convict)
Cable’s new album is just a master class in post hardcore sludge songwriting. Must must listen.
12.Shrinebuilder – Blind for all to See
(From the album Shrinebuilder)
This song is driven by Al Cisneros’s bass groove and has a terrific jammy feel pretty much like the entire album.
13.Thou – The Song of Illuminate Darkness
(From the split with Salome called Our Enemy Civilisation)
More awesomeness from Thou. Maybe more melodic than before and probably even more awesome than anything they’ve done before.
1.Goatwhore – Apocalyptic Havoc
(From the album Carving Out The Eyes of God)
The opening riff is one of the most unabashed kick ass riffs I’ve heard all year and this song just makes me want to bang my head. Awesome opener from a great album.
2.Sacrifice – Tetragrammaton
(From the album The Ones I Condemn)
The comeback album of the year and the bands best by a long way. This song is awesome mid pace thrash metal.
3.Napalm Death – Time Waits for No Slave
(From the album time waits for no slave)
It’s Napalm like they’ve always been but also just a little bit better than the last couple of albums.
4.Earth Crisis – To Ashes
(From the album To the Death)
Metal-core in the truest sense of the word. Earth Crisis will kick your head in.
5.Vomitory – Serpents
(From the album Carnage Euphoria)
Old school death metal done superbly
6.Hearse – The Moth
(From the album Single Ticket to Paradise)
This band does not get enough love. Awesome guitar work on this song and Liiva’s vocals have never sounded this good.
7.Martyrdod – Gloria Runt Iris
(From the album Sekt)
Another band that seems to exist only to cause aural carnage. Fantastic.
8.Immortal – Rise of Darkness
(From the album All Shall fall)
Spoke too soon about the Sacrifice. This is probably the comeback of the year)
9.Marduk – Funeral Dawn
(From the album Wormwood)
Marduk has grown in leaps and bounds over the last two albums and this song is pretty much the pinnacle of the new Marduk)
10.
- A Sutra of Wounds(From the album Resplendent Grotesque)
It’s been a great year for extreme metal bands with a slight black metal touch and
’s album has been on my play list all year round.11.Wolves in the Throne Room – A Looming Resonance
(From the ep Malevolent Grain)
Getting the chick from Hammers of Misfortune to sing over the band’s sludgy black metal was a masterstroke.
12.Anaal Nathrakh – More of Fire than Blood
(From the album In the Constellation of the Black Widow)
Just when I thought I’d be getting a cleaner less dangerous Nathrakh, these two fellows pulled out all the stops and showed off a perfect exercise in brutality. Just awesome from start to finish.
2009 – Sludge, stoner and other heavy shit
1.Giant Squid – Dead Man’s Slough
(From the album The Ichthyologist)
More Tom Waits sounding that sludge but awesome song from a fantastic album)
2.A Storm of Light – Midnight
(From the album Forgive Us Our Trespasses)
Call it whatever you want to but this band blew my mind with their mix of post metal, Neurosis inspired sludge and total Euro doom worship. Awesome shit.
3.16 – Man Interrupted
(From the album Bridges to Burn)
Sludgy heavy goodness.
4.Coalesce – Wild Ox Moan
(From the album Ox)
Down and dirty delta blues done in the band’s very own apocalyptic hardcore style. One of my favourite songs this year from any genre.
5.Keelhaul – THC for One
(From the album Triumphant Return to Obscurity)
The more I heard this album the more I liked it till the liking became a deep love and left me in awe
6.Taint – Black Rain
(From the ep All Bees to the Sea)
Awesome. Never been a fan but this little ep blew my mind
7.Minsk – Three Moons
(From the album Echoes in the Movement of Stone)
This band is getting better and better with every release and the new album is an absolute killer.
8.Kongh – Voice of the Below
(From the album Shadows of the Shapeless)
Kongh just upped the level of their game this year. The album is a monster and this song is brilliant.
9.Salome – With Hell for a Mouth
(From the split album with Thou called Our Enemy Civilisation)
Two of my favourite sludge bands got together this year for a split album that’s been blowing my mind. This is Salome at their best.
10.Gaza – The Meat of a Leg Joint
(From the album He is Never Coming Back)
Second album and this band have already come up with an album that is very very close to being an absolute classic. Fantastic stuff.
11.Cable – The Failed Convict
(From the album The Failed Convict)
Cable’s new album is just a master class in post hardcore sludge songwriting. Must must listen.
12.Shrinebuilder – Blind for all to See
(From the album Shrinebuilder)
This song is driven by Al Cisneros’s bass groove and has a terrific jammy feel pretty much like the entire album.
13.Thou – The Song of Illuminate Darkness
(From the split with Salome called Our Enemy Civilisation)
More awesomeness from Thou. Maybe more melodic than before and probably even more awesome than anything they’ve done before.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
smoke smoke smoke that cigarette
I was looking for a particular philip morris ad and instead found these.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
the nights feel empty, the days feel too long, this winter smells of death and I'm all alone
I woke up today with a sore throat, an aching body and a vague feeling of discontent and loss. I guess this is what it means to be old. Maybe.
In my younger days this would have meant getting hammered and maybe doing some hammering. Now I just sit on the computer and update you. I guess this is what it means to be old. Maybe.
I spend far too much time these days hoping for things to be better. It's a sad state of affairs and one I've mostly succumbed to out of choice which only makes it all the more tragic.
Nothing to be done about it
I should just walk a good long ways
But my legs are broken
And have been for days
A hunger which will go unfed
A yearning which will not be trusted
A mistake that I'll pay interest on forever
A hole inside made by the word never
I should just walk away
But I simply don't want to
My legs leave me aching
So what if I did the breaking?
I have the gay. Don't come any closer and if you do, then wear a gas mask or something.
Later.
In my younger days this would have meant getting hammered and maybe doing some hammering. Now I just sit on the computer and update you. I guess this is what it means to be old. Maybe.
I spend far too much time these days hoping for things to be better. It's a sad state of affairs and one I've mostly succumbed to out of choice which only makes it all the more tragic.
Nothing to be done about it
I should just walk a good long ways
But my legs are broken
And have been for days
A hunger which will go unfed
A yearning which will not be trusted
A mistake that I'll pay interest on forever
A hole inside made by the word never
I should just walk away
But I simply don't want to
My legs leave me aching
So what if I did the breaking?
I have the gay. Don't come any closer and if you do, then wear a gas mask or something.
Later.
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
La vida no vale nada
i'm tired of this uncertainty
i'm tired of pretending i can take it
i'm tired of my own indifference
i'm scared i sound like an emo kid
Too much pressure too much to consider
I had one of those perfect weekends. Everything went by with no planning or even thought. I went with the flow and it was entertaining from start to finish. I found happiness in the leg of a chicken then surprise at Guzzlers and a stoned giggling bliss all over. Life was almost perfect.
They played Look at Yourself in Guzzlers. Why have I not been there in 13 years?
Finished watching Limits of Control. What a movie. This is the trippy shit. Where story takes backseat to form. I loved it. It seemed like it was about whatever you wanted it to be. And any film that references Stalker is all sorts of win. I wish there was more naked Paz de la Huerta but that's a minor complaint.
Also watching some TV show called Trailer Park Boys. Supposed to be hilarious. So far it's not.
What is this boss?
I don't know chief.
It's new and gets a bit unpleasant now and then.
I think we might have a problem.
Yes, I think we might.
Enough nonsense?
You're asking the wrong guy.
I hope to finish Miike's Izo one of these days. I'm stuck at the 40 minute mark and unable to proceed. Very arty and abstract and doesn't make much sense. I should just watch Gozu again as should everybody. At least once.
Anyway, enough. Later.
i'm tired of pretending i can take it
i'm tired of my own indifference
i'm scared i sound like an emo kid
Too much pressure too much to consider
I had one of those perfect weekends. Everything went by with no planning or even thought. I went with the flow and it was entertaining from start to finish. I found happiness in the leg of a chicken then surprise at Guzzlers and a stoned giggling bliss all over. Life was almost perfect.
They played Look at Yourself in Guzzlers. Why have I not been there in 13 years?
Finished watching Limits of Control. What a movie. This is the trippy shit. Where story takes backseat to form. I loved it. It seemed like it was about whatever you wanted it to be. And any film that references Stalker is all sorts of win. I wish there was more naked Paz de la Huerta but that's a minor complaint.
Also watching some TV show called Trailer Park Boys. Supposed to be hilarious. So far it's not.
What is this boss?
I don't know chief.
It's new and gets a bit unpleasant now and then.
I think we might have a problem.
Yes, I think we might.
Enough nonsense?
You're asking the wrong guy.
I hope to finish Miike's Izo one of these days. I'm stuck at the 40 minute mark and unable to proceed. Very arty and abstract and doesn't make much sense. I should just watch Gozu again as should everybody. At least once.
Anyway, enough. Later.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The Boondock Saints
... is pretty much the most fun action movie I've seen since John Rambo. Mindless violence, Italian and Russian gangsters, Irish vigilantes, Billy Connolly as a complete psycho and Willem Dafoe in drag.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Weekends, The Wire and Bronson
You're sitting in a car.
Your phone starts to ring.
You look.
The call's coming from the back seat.
Do you answer or do you turn around?
A very dull and quiet weekend of hanging out and being peaceful after a particularly crazy friday.
I finished The Wire a while back. It is the best serious TV show I have ever seen. Terrific.
I'm filling you up right now mostly because I have nothing else to do. Seems like a good idea. Do you agree? I'll take your silence for consent shall I? Yes.
Thorns has to be one of the most dissonant black metal bands ever. Damn. Some days it's perfect. Tonight it's not.
So I've been seeing a whole bunch of movies lately. Mostly to make up for the giant gaping hole that the conclusion of The Wire left in me. Most have been crappy or boring. 2 exceptions though.
Bronson, directed by the guy who made the Pusher movies and starring Tom Brady as the titular Charlie Bronson is a pitch black prison comedy based on the real life Michael Peterson. A man who robbed a post office sometime in the 70s and was sentenced to 7 years in prison. As of date he's spent a total of 36 years in jail with 30 of them in solitary. The movie about this mad man is entertaining and funny and held together by an absolutely terrific turn from Tom Brady. He spends a large portion of the film talking directly to the audience and holding forth on his life through voice overs and the whole thing is interspersed with scenes of him in jail fighting with prison guards, getting his ass kicked again and again and going back for more.
The movie isn't perfect. It's not as lean as the Pusher films and has a bloated middle section that drags the movie down. Still, Brady is magnetic in his portrayal and below is a terrific little scene with him and his RocknRolla costar Matt King.
Bronson which became Michael Peterson's street name on the outside seems like a man who has no limits. He wants to be famous and with his constant violence he is soon recognized as Britains most violent man and gets press and coverage in newspapers and tabloids alike. He's happy about this and wants more. There are no apologies or even explanations. A normal childhood, loving parents and just an irrational itch to be famous any way he can.
I loved it.
I also really liked Homicide and King of New York but I'm way too lazy right now.
I think I'll go reward myself.
Your phone starts to ring.
You look.
The call's coming from the back seat.
Do you answer or do you turn around?
A very dull and quiet weekend of hanging out and being peaceful after a particularly crazy friday.
I finished The Wire a while back. It is the best serious TV show I have ever seen. Terrific.
I'm filling you up right now mostly because I have nothing else to do. Seems like a good idea. Do you agree? I'll take your silence for consent shall I? Yes.
Thorns has to be one of the most dissonant black metal bands ever. Damn. Some days it's perfect. Tonight it's not.
So I've been seeing a whole bunch of movies lately. Mostly to make up for the giant gaping hole that the conclusion of The Wire left in me. Most have been crappy or boring. 2 exceptions though.
Bronson, directed by the guy who made the Pusher movies and starring Tom Brady as the titular Charlie Bronson is a pitch black prison comedy based on the real life Michael Peterson. A man who robbed a post office sometime in the 70s and was sentenced to 7 years in prison. As of date he's spent a total of 36 years in jail with 30 of them in solitary. The movie about this mad man is entertaining and funny and held together by an absolutely terrific turn from Tom Brady. He spends a large portion of the film talking directly to the audience and holding forth on his life through voice overs and the whole thing is interspersed with scenes of him in jail fighting with prison guards, getting his ass kicked again and again and going back for more.
The movie isn't perfect. It's not as lean as the Pusher films and has a bloated middle section that drags the movie down. Still, Brady is magnetic in his portrayal and below is a terrific little scene with him and his RocknRolla costar Matt King.
Bronson which became Michael Peterson's street name on the outside seems like a man who has no limits. He wants to be famous and with his constant violence he is soon recognized as Britains most violent man and gets press and coverage in newspapers and tabloids alike. He's happy about this and wants more. There are no apologies or even explanations. A normal childhood, loving parents and just an irrational itch to be famous any way he can.
I loved it.
I also really liked Homicide and King of New York but I'm way too lazy right now.
I think I'll go reward myself.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
revelations and reality checks
So I turned 30 a couple of days ago. It does not feel any different. It worries me a little that it does not feel any different. I was warned of a very emo birthday morning. That I would spend my time reflecting, brooding, introspecting and enforcing some sort of reality check on myself.
None of that happened. It was business as usual.
Then I was told that it's hard for any of this to happen if you're basically chilling so now I'm waiting for a busy period in life when I will have suitable revelations tied in to my age.
So I figure I'll just chill and wait for it.
None of that happened. It was business as usual.
Then I was told that it's hard for any of this to happen if you're basically chilling so now I'm waiting for a busy period in life when I will have suitable revelations tied in to my age.
So I figure I'll just chill and wait for it.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
his last words
When you're 'high'
If you could see what I see
In your unfocused empty child-like eyes
You'd see my father's blue stare
And the horror
Of the loss of language of an educated man
He recited poems and Shakespeare,
Knew the name of every tree in Latin Memory
The unjust cruel sentencing of bewilderment
And the dying of the brain.
When you're 'high'
What do you see
His last words to me from surgery
His last words:
"Burning burning"
"Burning burning"
"Burning burning"
I'm in the flame
"Burning burning"
If you could see what I see
In your unfocused empty child-like eyes
You'd see my father's blue stare
And the horror
Of the loss of language of an educated man
He recited poems and Shakespeare,
Knew the name of every tree in Latin Memory
The unjust cruel sentencing of bewilderment
And the dying of the brain.
When you're 'high'
What do you see
His last words to me from surgery
His last words:
"Burning burning"
"Burning burning"
"Burning burning"
I'm in the flame
"Burning burning"
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Roots Rock Riot
Just as I was all sad to see that Intronaut wasn't playing Bangalore at GIR I learned that Skindred was playing Oktoberfest this Sunday. Not quite Intronaut but this band never fails to put a smile on my face and Benji has to be one of the best frontmen out there. This is the band doing Ratrace from Roots Rock Riot complete with backing from Cowboy Bebop.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
In Manipal
Something crazy happened last night. I was asleep by 10:30. I don't remember the last time that happened. Sure I woke up at 4:30 and couldn't go back to sleep for a couple of hours but going to sleep that early felt great. Only problem is I think I'll have to come here to sleep like a normal person.
Anyway, I'm off to the lighthouse and beach and anjal fry and beer.
Later dear diary.
Anyway, I'm off to the lighthouse and beach and anjal fry and beer.
Later dear diary.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Swans
Swans, in their lifetime as a band from 1982 to 1997 set up a template for heavy music that is being ripped off right left and centre in today’s post metal climate. If Neurosis is the one band that just about everybody in this genre has taken from, then Swans comes a close second. Neurosis themselves have been heavily influenced by this band so I guess it all comes down to this.
"Swans are majestic, beautiful looking creatures. With really ugly temperaments."
Michael Gira’s own words to describe why he chose the name Swans for his band. I’m not going to bother you with a factoid dear diary. Instead I hope to talk about the music that this band makes. Gira along with long time guitarist Norman Westberg and Jarboe who joined the band in 1984 made some of the most visceral, beautiful and consistently depressing music ever. The first four albums by the band Filth, Cop, Greed and Holy Money are intense work outs that focus on one hypnotic riff played out over the entirety of the song with Gira shrieking, screaming, ranting and simply speaking over the music. There were no real songs at this point although I think the change started showing itself on 1986s Holy Money with the inclusion of Jarboe and also the addition of acoustic elements into the band’s sound.
What came next is for me the pinnacle of the band’s sound. I prefer cold beautiful Swans to cold ugly Swans and with 1987s Children of God all the way through 1995s The Great Annihilator, Swans were untouchable. Sure, lots ofdie-hard fans say the band sold out with their one and only album for a major label The Burning World but man, it still has some terrific songs. Forget about Jarboe’s haunting vocal performance “Can’t find my Way Home” (written by Steve Winwood for Blind Faith originally). Instead, listen to the album from start to finish and let it take you on a trip like every Swans album does. Yes, they have proper songs on this one with proper verse chorus structures that are adhered to almost slavishly but the songs despite not really sounding like Swans.
Okay, that sounded like a justification for The Burning World and it probably is. The other albums in that period for the band were much better, particularly the trio of White Light from the Mouth of Infinity, Love of Life and The Great Annihilator. These three albums saw the band mix and match styles old and new where you had gentle acoustics sitting next to abrasive noisy sections with a sprinkling of world music including Trilok Gurtu playing the Tabla on The Burning World.
I guess the biggest difference for me between the first four albums and the next five is that early Swans could tire you out over the course of one song. The clanging industrial nature of the beast coupled with Gira’s vocal performance pushed these songs all too often into a sort of tolerance test. How long can you last before you throw your headphones in the corner, curl up and start to weep? Children of God onwards, the band became more organic and with it the music now lulled you with its beauty and it is only when the album gets over that you realize it’s drained you completely. Like I said, I prefer beautiful but sad Swans any day.
"Swans are majestic, beautiful looking creatures. With really ugly temperaments."
Michael Gira’s own words to describe why he chose the name Swans for his band. I’m not going to bother you with a factoid dear diary. Instead I hope to talk about the music that this band makes. Gira along with long time guitarist Norman Westberg and Jarboe who joined the band in 1984 made some of the most visceral, beautiful and consistently depressing music ever. The first four albums by the band Filth, Cop, Greed and Holy Money are intense work outs that focus on one hypnotic riff played out over the entirety of the song with Gira shrieking, screaming, ranting and simply speaking over the music. There were no real songs at this point although I think the change started showing itself on 1986s Holy Money with the inclusion of Jarboe and also the addition of acoustic elements into the band’s sound.
What came next is for me the pinnacle of the band’s sound. I prefer cold beautiful Swans to cold ugly Swans and with 1987s Children of God all the way through 1995s The Great Annihilator, Swans were untouchable. Sure, lots of
Okay, that sounded like a justification for The Burning World and it probably is. The other albums in that period for the band were much better, particularly the trio of White Light from the Mouth of Infinity, Love of Life and The Great Annihilator. These three albums saw the band mix and match styles old and new where you had gentle acoustics sitting next to abrasive noisy sections with a sprinkling of world music including Trilok Gurtu playing the Tabla on The Burning World.
I guess the biggest difference for me between the first four albums and the next five is that early Swans could tire you out over the course of one song. The clanging industrial nature of the beast coupled with Gira’s vocal performance pushed these songs all too often into a sort of tolerance test. How long can you last before you throw your headphones in the corner, curl up and start to weep? Children of God onwards, the band became more organic and with it the music now lulled you with its beauty and it is only when the album gets over that you realize it’s drained you completely. Like I said, I prefer beautiful but sad Swans any day.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
A very late remembrance
I'm not sure how I went from Swans which I've been listening to non stop from last night to Grip Inc. but I did. Gus Chambers died last year thanks to a lethal mix of his medication with alcohol. Grip Inc. was a band that never got the love it deserved and while Lombardo's entry to the heavy metal hall of fame is unquestionable, Chambers should have got a bit more credit for his work with Grip Inc. Anyway, he's dead now but I would have liked at least one more album from the band. That's all.
This is from the band's last album "Incorporated" and has that guy from Apocalyptica guesting.
This is from the band's last album "Incorporated" and has that guy from Apocalyptica guesting.
Friday, October 09, 2009
yellow
I hope I bleed out before I burn
I hope I bleed out before I burn
I hope I bleed out before I burn
I sat by myself. My usual corner at the bar. Alone, waiting for business to arrive. I noticed her walking towards me. Dominic was playing Yellow and this woman knew all the words. Danger, I thought to myself. As she came closer I knew business had arrived. I hoped Dominic wouldn't play any more Coldplay. She sat down, didn't say a word, lit an Ultra Mild and exhaled a thin stream of smoke. The job was simple enough. Something I'd done before, something I knew a few things about. The money wasn't great but I had a pending payment to make on my house. I took it, I did it, cleared the payment and officially became a home owner. All good.
The troubles started a week later. It was ladies night at the bar. I had an off day and the mood was good. Till I saw her. I don't like meeting my clients after a job. Invariably makes things awkward. She walked towards me. Sat down, lit her cigarette. Dominic started playing Yellow again. She sang for the next five minutes. Her cigarette grew ash and lay forgotten. She looked at me with that same dead expression. Said she had another job. Every instinct said no, this was a terrible idea. I shrugged and said sure. It's what I do.
Things were going to go to hell. She was going to screw me over. I knew the score and in knowing thought I'd be prepared. That was my second mistake. By the time I was through with her I'd make a few more.
It was simple enough. I was sure that the knife would try for my back when I set it up. It didn't. Proceeded like clockwork and by the time it was done I was even thinking that maybe I was wrong. Maybe there was no knife.
The Skoda parked outside my house was the first clue. No effort at hiding. I clearly had visitors and I knew who it was. She was sitting on my couch. Smoking her cigarette, listening to her I Pod. I wanted to ask if it was Yellow but the two heavies by her side distracted me. She took off the ear plugs and congratulated me on a job well done. I wanted to smack her across the face and throw her out of my house. I refrained. Stayed my hand. Waited to see if this was a warning, a “I know where you live” kind of deal or something a little more permanent. I never saw the third heavy behind me. Never saw the blow and didn't feel a thing.
I woke up tied to a pole. Head spinning, I could feel the hair at the back of my head matted and thick with dried blood. I heard the click of a zippo opening, a flame as the lighter came to life, the stench of her fuck all cigarette. The bitch was here. In this room.
I passed out again when she stubbed her cigarette out on me. Not very brave. I know.
I fucked up. This was the thought I regained consciousness to. My hands were tied to a pole, I was standing in a bucket of water and thoughts of torture came swiftly. The bitch was standing there. Smoking her cigarette, looking at me. I had a whole bunch of questions but this bitch didn't monologue. She didn't speak. Luckily, there was no torture. Just her heavies working me over. I can take a punch. I'm proud of it. Still, three fists pounding your guts in rotation isn't something you ever want to experience.
I woke up again sick to the stomach. Every heave hurt my insides. I wasn't tied up anymore but it didn't matter. I wouldn't be going anywhere. The shoe came out of nowhere. The contact to my nose was precise. Mashed potato with ketchup. I screamed. Asked her what the fuck she wanted. The next kick had me curled up and I saw Venus when her foot made contact with my head. I felt it bounce off the floor and I truly madly deeply wanted to die.
What happened next only happens in the movies. The hero making a last ditch comeback and managing to survive. Except, I wasn't a hero. Never was. Maybe I deserve everything this bitch is throwing at me. Doesn't mean I have to take it.
I grabbed her foot as she swung
I did the twist and turn till she spun
The heavies weren't around, gone for lunch
I smiled as head hit floor with a crunch
Standing up was difficult. My nose hurt like hell and my insides felt like jelly. The bitch was out. For now. All I wanted to do was get out of there. The questions could wait, she could wait. Get out of there before the gorillas arrive. Too late obviously. I managed to swing at the first guy but it was pretty pathetic. When he hit me, I returned to the floor with something like warm familiarity. The bitch was getting up. I was right back where I started and I was done.
I have no idea what I've done to her. Absolutely none. She seems certain enough and still in no mood to explain. She said it would take me a few hours to bleed out. She said it would give me time to reflect. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm tied up, my insides are slowly spilling out and this is it. When I smell the petrol and see the fire on the outside of the shed I know there are no more comebacks.
I hope I bleed out before I burn
I hope I bleed out before I burn
I hope I bleed out before I burn
I hope I bleed out before I burn
I hope I bleed out before I burn
I sat by myself. My usual corner at the bar. Alone, waiting for business to arrive. I noticed her walking towards me. Dominic was playing Yellow and this woman knew all the words. Danger, I thought to myself. As she came closer I knew business had arrived. I hoped Dominic wouldn't play any more Coldplay. She sat down, didn't say a word, lit an Ultra Mild and exhaled a thin stream of smoke. The job was simple enough. Something I'd done before, something I knew a few things about. The money wasn't great but I had a pending payment to make on my house. I took it, I did it, cleared the payment and officially became a home owner. All good.
The troubles started a week later. It was ladies night at the bar. I had an off day and the mood was good. Till I saw her. I don't like meeting my clients after a job. Invariably makes things awkward. She walked towards me. Sat down, lit her cigarette. Dominic started playing Yellow again. She sang for the next five minutes. Her cigarette grew ash and lay forgotten. She looked at me with that same dead expression. Said she had another job. Every instinct said no, this was a terrible idea. I shrugged and said sure. It's what I do.
Things were going to go to hell. She was going to screw me over. I knew the score and in knowing thought I'd be prepared. That was my second mistake. By the time I was through with her I'd make a few more.
It was simple enough. I was sure that the knife would try for my back when I set it up. It didn't. Proceeded like clockwork and by the time it was done I was even thinking that maybe I was wrong. Maybe there was no knife.
The Skoda parked outside my house was the first clue. No effort at hiding. I clearly had visitors and I knew who it was. She was sitting on my couch. Smoking her cigarette, listening to her I Pod. I wanted to ask if it was Yellow but the two heavies by her side distracted me. She took off the ear plugs and congratulated me on a job well done. I wanted to smack her across the face and throw her out of my house. I refrained. Stayed my hand. Waited to see if this was a warning, a “I know where you live” kind of deal or something a little more permanent. I never saw the third heavy behind me. Never saw the blow and didn't feel a thing.
I woke up tied to a pole. Head spinning, I could feel the hair at the back of my head matted and thick with dried blood. I heard the click of a zippo opening, a flame as the lighter came to life, the stench of her fuck all cigarette. The bitch was here. In this room.
I passed out again when she stubbed her cigarette out on me. Not very brave. I know.
I fucked up. This was the thought I regained consciousness to. My hands were tied to a pole, I was standing in a bucket of water and thoughts of torture came swiftly. The bitch was standing there. Smoking her cigarette, looking at me. I had a whole bunch of questions but this bitch didn't monologue. She didn't speak. Luckily, there was no torture. Just her heavies working me over. I can take a punch. I'm proud of it. Still, three fists pounding your guts in rotation isn't something you ever want to experience.
I woke up again sick to the stomach. Every heave hurt my insides. I wasn't tied up anymore but it didn't matter. I wouldn't be going anywhere. The shoe came out of nowhere. The contact to my nose was precise. Mashed potato with ketchup. I screamed. Asked her what the fuck she wanted. The next kick had me curled up and I saw Venus when her foot made contact with my head. I felt it bounce off the floor and I truly madly deeply wanted to die.
What happened next only happens in the movies. The hero making a last ditch comeback and managing to survive. Except, I wasn't a hero. Never was. Maybe I deserve everything this bitch is throwing at me. Doesn't mean I have to take it.
I grabbed her foot as she swung
I did the twist and turn till she spun
The heavies weren't around, gone for lunch
I smiled as head hit floor with a crunch
Standing up was difficult. My nose hurt like hell and my insides felt like jelly. The bitch was out. For now. All I wanted to do was get out of there. The questions could wait, she could wait. Get out of there before the gorillas arrive. Too late obviously. I managed to swing at the first guy but it was pretty pathetic. When he hit me, I returned to the floor with something like warm familiarity. The bitch was getting up. I was right back where I started and I was done.
I have no idea what I've done to her. Absolutely none. She seems certain enough and still in no mood to explain. She said it would take me a few hours to bleed out. She said it would give me time to reflect. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm tied up, my insides are slowly spilling out and this is it. When I smell the petrol and see the fire on the outside of the shed I know there are no more comebacks.
I hope I bleed out before I burn
I hope I bleed out before I burn
I hope I bleed out before I burn
Monday, October 05, 2009
One day, some day
One day I will give this up.
Not today, not tomorrow
Maybe not even the day after.
One day. Some day.
I hope that one day I'll come up with something absolutely - without a fucking doubt - brilliant to say. Till then, I'll simply have to make do.
... and there's so many many thoughts when I try to go to sleep but with you I start to feel a sort of temporary peace
Not today, not tomorrow
Maybe not even the day after.
One day. Some day.
I hope that one day I'll come up with something absolutely - without a fucking doubt - brilliant to say. Till then, I'll simply have to make do.
... and there's so many many thoughts when I try to go to sleep but with you I start to feel a sort of temporary peace
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