pretty pink garden

Mornings were always the same for him. Wake up, scratch his balls for a bit, chai and biscuit and out the door and off to work. That day though, was different. His familiar foraging amongst his nether regions yielded an unfamiliar roughness. 2 raised patches of skin that felt like an old leather cricket ball with the leather worn and rough. He gave it a gentle squeeze and was relieved that there was no pain. He tried looking in the mirror but his stomach got in the way and that only added sadness to the weight he was now carrying. he decided to go see a doctor soon and stepped out and off to work. The growth ate away at his brain all day but by the time he was done with work it was too late for a doctor. He bought a small mirror, bandages and some dettol instead.

Standing in his bathroom with one mirror in hand and one in front he looked a little pale and sweaty. He started to move the mirror in his hand, checking various angles to see if he could get a look. Then he had it. 2 yellowish round patches of skin. Rough to touch. Fungus he thought with a shudder. He left the things alone. Decided to visit a doctor the next day and tried sleeping.
He actually did visit the doctor the next day. Got a rub, an ointment and a pat on the back for good behaviour. He even walked home with a spring in his step. Happy at having taken prompt action. Sleep that night was the stuff of legend. The next morning he woke up with a smile and felt full of energy till he reached for his sack. If anything, the patches seemed to have become bigger in every way. From mounds to hillocks. He squeezed and again felt no pain but the damn things were definitely bigger.

He dropped his pants and reached for the ointment, squeezing the tube till his hand was covered in the smelly white paste. Reached down and covered his crotch with it before sitting down. He was sweating and pale and nervous. He called the doctor for an appointment and waited. For a while. Then he decided to inspect the growth but stomach and ointment were both in the way and our man just felt tired and old and depressed.

Sitting on his bed slumped and wondering about the cause for his problems, the man put his head in his hands and started to weep. Too much smoking, he thought like all smokers do when faced with anything from an ingrown toe nail to cancer. The doctor could only see him in the evening and he had time enough to sweat and ponder and brood.

Then the strangest thing happened. He thought he could feel it pulsing under the thick ointment. Pulsing and throbbing like heartbeats. Panic. Cold, debilitating panic in waves as he rushed to the loo to wash away the ointment and give it an another look. Combination of mirror and angle was achieved after some difficulty and his shaking hands and running sweat didn't help matters but there it was. Definitely bigger and definitely beating to the rhythm of a different heart. He could feel his heart beating furiously in his chest but the beat in his ball sack was a much more measured and sleepy pulse. The rough yellow circles now had an outer ring of sickly green and 4 pink dots on each growth. He watched them beat and pulse. Hypnotised by the mirror image he lost track of time and space. When his arm fell asleep and the mirror crashed to the floor it made no difference to him. Still sitting and feeling every pulsating moment. Something was moving around in his ball sack.
Within these growths. He could feel it. Something just waiting to burst out. The pulsing of his sack was distinct and clear and formed a perfect counterpoint to the beating in his chest.

It was then that the pain hit him. In fast moving excruciating waves shooting from his ballsack all the way to his brain. His last conscious thought was that he was having a stroke. After that was just the darkness that he leapt into.

The first thought on regaining consciousness was that he'd died. He couldn't feel a thing and the room seemed brighter somehow. The pain was gone though and that was the important bit. It took him some effort to stand up and when he did and looked at himself in the mirror he saw the growth from his sack. He didn't need the small mirror or even have to hold up his stomach for a better view. There between his legs, growing out of his sack were 2 bright pink petunias fluttering gently between his legs.

Life was never the same for him again.

RIP Tura Satana

Tura Satana died a few days ago. A start as a go-go dancer, Elvis's girlfriend for a time and one kvlt movie. But what a movie. I knew going in that the movie had a rep but when Varla broke that dude's neck in desert I knew I was in for one wild ride. A genuine holy shit moment. Pity there was never anything else to match Varla or Faster, Pussycat. Kill! Kill! but you can't have everything I guess.

I've got my robot headdress on and I'm singing the blue ball blues

Java City for lunch and time pass after ages or maybe a fortnight. There's a woman from the 5 star up the road chain smoking kings and drinking water in her grey business suit. She's forgotten to take off her name tag or maybe not. There's a man who looks like an accountant reading an Erle Stanley Gardner book and his pink drink is almost untouched. The techies on their lunch break are loud and obnoxious but I have my ipod and Blindead is drowning out most noise. You can tell a lot by a person's helmet. I can't. The squeaking laughter of the girls is irritating the accountant and probably distracting him from Mason's latest case. Only a matter of time before he tells them to shut up and attend college. Poor fellow. I sympathise.

I feel like going on a long drive and doing absolutely nothing. A regular feeling. I hope that one day soon India will win the world cup just so the channels can stop playing the '83 win and stop fellating Kapil's devils. I haven't watched the news in a long while. Not since my tv conked off a few months ago. Not missed much I think. Anyway, food needs to happen and then head back to work and while away time till 6. Later.

I changed the music in my car and I pod today. Went to work with coverdale/ page playing and now listening to Look at Yourself. Both albums put me in a very happy although slightly nostalgic mood. Its quite insane how so much music I listened to growing up comes with its own back story. Uriah Heep and Coverdale Page just both made me wish for a music shop like Sound Options again. Where you could walk in, browse, get the dude to play whatever new tape you wanted to check out, put a smoke or two, talk about the revolutionary picture quality of a laser disc and generally hang out. Now its Planet M or Landmark. Faceless shops with no personality where browsing for music is just uncomfortable and tedious and asking the staff for help is utterly pointless. I miss Sound Options, Rhythms, Music Magic and that shop in Curzon Court. Even Ram's and his never ending supply of pirated AR tapes. So what if he couldn't tell the difference between Pantera and Petra. See what I mean about nostalgia?

Anyway, I'm going to see Bevar Sea this weekend. I'm hoping for a good trip and a decent show. The plan is to get sent, stand at the back at watch. I'm hoping Orphaned Land play The Beloved's Cry.

There's a giant tom who's taken to hunting in our garden. I could hear him last night and today morning he was prowling the garden like he owned it. Not scared either. Strict instructions not to let him in though.

I'm slightly addicted to the Word Mole game on my phone.

In other news, I had an insane attack of the acid yesterday. Completely debilitating.
Health problems and old age aside I'm pretty good. Life seems to be mostly okay. At least the things I can control are in control and the variables aren't causing me heartburn.

I'm occasionally disappointed with my own inane observations but then I look around and tell myself its not so bad. Carrying on, I need new shoes and a couple of pairs of trousers. I think some shopping needs to happen soon.

A new Red Harvest and a new Septic Flesh also need to happen soon please. Listening to Revolution DNA and the Greeks are just incredibly classy. I think the 90s was a pretty great time for extreme metal. I should also roll a fatty and listen to this and A Deeper Kind of Slumber back to back one of these days. In related news I can't find my Odd Fellows Rest CD. Okay, I've had enough of my own bullshit. For now.

2010 Top 40

2010 was a pretty great year for music. I heard all sorts of terrific stuff and could have easily listed 50 top albums instead of 40 but felt too lazy. These are all albums arranged in order of preference and albums I'd score a minimum of 4 on 5 for if this was kvltsite.

But first, three huge disappointments in 2010.

Nevermore's The Obsidian Conspiracy was unbelievably bad. Is this the same band that made Dreaming Neon Black, Politics of Ecstacy and This Godless Endeavor? The riffs are rehashed, the lyrics are rehashed or just plain cringe inducing and the songs sound like a patchwork of past Nevermore songs. Just a really terrible and lazy album.

Anathema's We're Here because We're Here which suffered from too much hype, too much delay and Steve Wilson's bullshit. Thats 2 great bands he's ruined now. But seriously 8 years for this? It sounds like elevator music. Godzilla sized disappointment.

Last is Cathedral. A 5 year gap before they released The Guessing Game and its filled with prog rock and Lee Dorian's vocals which just continiue to get worse. I had a sneaky suspicion they'd go to shit when I read that Dorian had quit the weed and grown into an obsessive prog rock lp collector but this is still worse than anything I was expecting. I miss the simpler days of Soul Sacrifice and The Ethereal Mirror.

40. The Blood of Heroes - The Blood of Heroes

Justin Brodrick and Bill Laswell are on this. There's also a vocalist called Dr. Israel and a couple of electronic artists and the result is an album that is seamless across its influences. Groovy, heavy electronic music and awesome from beginning to end. Sort of like an electronic version of The Ocean. If there's just one song to listen to.

39. Venomin James - Crowe Valley Blues


This band owes a great debt to the first Karma to Burn album along with Kyuss, Fu Manchu, Cleansing era Prong and straight up heavy metal. Still or maybe because of which, Crowe Valley Blues is a total fucking blast.

38. Triptykon - Eparistera Daimones

I had really high hopes for this. This was going to be in my top 5 from 2010 for sure. Yet as much as I heard it, i couldn't escape from the fact that the albums drags. While Monotheist was fantastic from start to finish, this one has one ill advised attempt at electronic trip hop farting around and a couple of songs are a bit faceless. I still loved it but not as much as I thought I would.

37. Blindead - Affliction XXIX X MXMV

Post metal from Poland. This is essentially one long song broken into 7 parts and sounds like a mellow Neurosis. What sets this band apart though is the use of electronics, a catchy groove and a memorable melody. I could name check Cult of Luna, Antimatter and Anathema along with Neurosis and maybe even what Red Harvest would sound like if they chilled out. Very good band and a solid, classy album.

36. Dragonauta - Cruz Invertida

Argentina's Dragonauta have been plugging away for a while now but its on this, their third album that the band has got everything just about right. The occult doom stylings of the band are intact, the riffs are bigger and dirtier and while a debt is owed to Sabbath, Pentagram and St. Vitus it's also original enough and abrasive enough to really stand out and work. Cruz Invertida sounds great.

35. Furze - Reaper Subconscious Guide
Psychedelic black metal. I've seen a lot of bands get tagged that but Woe J Reaper's music is truly psychedelic. It's black metal mostly of the Darkthrone variety but held together by some truly creative song writing and enhanced by the use of some of the most unsettling electronics and ambient noises you'll hear. Furze's new album should be getting a lot more love. Bizarre but beautiful.

34. Ludicra - The Tenant


Imagine taking 70s hard rock, thrash and NWOBHM and then giving it a black metal twist. Ludicra remind me of an extreme metal Slough Feg but not boring. The Tenant is just a very classy extreme metal album and its backed up by some fine musicianship and song writing.

33. Blasphemophagher - For Chaos, Obscurity and Desolation...
Tongue in cheek Italian blasphemy of the highest order. These guys can really rip it and just blast their way through the ten songs on here with a crushing black death thrash hybrid that never lets up. Somewhere between the over the top blasphemy of Arkhon Infaustus and the bludgeoning of Averse Sefira. Black Hole Abomination from start to finish.

32. Sailors with Wax Wings - Sailors with Wax Wings
This album came out of nowhere. Put together by R Loren of Pyramids with Ted Parsons, Aiden Baker and Colin Marsten along with a host of guest vocalists including Aaron Stainthorpe and Jonas Renkse and artwork by David Tibet, this album is a sprawling post rock soundscape with a dissonant shoe gaze black metal feel. Ted Parsons' drumming on this is brilliant. And Clash and Clash of Hoof and Heel

31. Celeste - Morte(s) Nee(s)
Imagine Deathspell Omega with an industrial influence and maybe a bit more talent. Celeste are more French black metal with a variety of influences and Morte(s) Nee(s), their third album has blown my mind consistently since I first got it. This is incredibly heavy stuff and quite brilliant.

30. Ramesses - Take the Curse
Tim Bagshaw and Mark Greening have shed the baggage of Electric Wizard with Take the Curse. This is some awesome sludgy death doom that's a whole lot better than the new Wizard and is also easily the best album Ramesses have done so far. Essential for fans of the big riff.

29. Diocletian - War of All against All
This is some really confrontational black-death metal from New Zealand. The music is incredibly abrasive and dirty and old school. There's no polish to any of this album and its all the better for it. Exhilarating from start to finish and makes you want to take a bath once its done.

28. Salome - Terminal

Salome's split from last year with Thou left me feeling that the band was set for something a bit special and Terminal pretty much lives up to the promise of those two songs. This is some intense sludge. Like hardcore made as slow as humanly possible and then made heavier. There are times on Terminal when the band sound almost drone like and they make it work. This much heaviness for a sludge band without a bass player shouldn't be possible but what the fuck do i know?

27. Melechesh - The Epigenesis
This band always left me a bit cold. Never been a big fan but the more I heard The Epigenesis the more I grew to love it. The song writing on this album and the seamless weaving together of extreme black, death and thrash riffs with ethnic and folk sounds is spell binding. Not an easy album to get into but well worth the effort.

26. Whores of Tijuana - Psycholongevity
This is some wonderfully inventive stoner rock. A variety of influences on the second album from this three piece that manages to sound original in a genre thats crowded and quite incestuous. Sure, the obvious nod to Kyuss is present but the more I listen to this album the more its apparent that the Whores are treading a slightly different path here. A real grower.

25. US Christmas/ Minsk/ Harvestman - Hawkwind Triad
Magnificent tribute to Hawkwind from 2 insanely good bands and Steve Von Till's solo project. The song choice is immaculate, the playing superb and its basically 3 of the better stoner bands around today that are covering one of the most important psychedelic rock bands ever. A must if you like hawkwind or any of the three bands involved. This is US Christmas doing Psychedelic Warlords

24. Hooded Menace - Never Cross the Dead
In just about 3 years of being together, Hooded Menace has probably become the most exciting old school death doom band around. Never Cross the Dead is a superb exhibition of doom metal. Huge riffs, melodic and heavy as fuck with some really memorable songs. We can only watch as this creature ascends

23. Starkweather - This Sheltering Night
Starkweather are a strange bunch. 2011 will see the band turn 22 years old and they are a metalcore band from back in the day when it simply meant a mix of metal and hardcore and had nothing to do with Iron Maiden or At the Gates or sickly sweet choruses. This Sheltering Night is some nasty heavy music. The songs are mostly slowed down hardcore songs that are heavy on the dissonance and with a vocalist who can get quite unsettling. Not for everyone I guess but a terrific band and a great album.

22. Undergang - Indhentet af Doden
Second album from this Danish trio and Indhentet af oden is some powerful death grind. The band sounds massive right through this album and the songs have that face ripping intensity that all of death grind strives for but few ever achieve. This blew my mind and this band is one to really watch out for.

21. Inquisition - Ominous Doctrines of the Perpetual Mystical Macrocosm
This is ripping black metal. Colombia's Inquisition has just fine tuned their sound to such an extent that these riffs are glorious and will rip your face off. Dagon still sounds like Abbath with throat cancer but his vocals are used in a better way. They used to remind me of a more chaotic Absu but with this new one, Inquisition are pretty much on their own. Terrific stuff.

20. Solace - AD
In plain speak, this rocks. Solace take bits of southern rock, hardcore and heavy metal and fashion a superb example of stoner metal. The riffs have bite, the grooves are memorable and the songs kick immense ass. The bands best album yet.

19. Drudkh - A Handful of Stars
2009s Microcosmos saw the band exploring newer sounds and A Handful of Stars is a very natural evolution. This is prog inspired black metal done right. The songs are epic, memorable and always interesting. Not something I would have previously associated with this band.

18. Legen Beltza - Need to Suffer
This Spanish band has been languishing in obscurity for more than a decade now and Need to Suffer is their 4th full length. The band plays a furious brand of thrash that owes a fair bit to the first 2 Annihilator albums and early Anacrussis but delivered with some seriously aggressive intent. In a better world, Legen Beltza would be riding high on the thrash revival.

17. Monster Magnet - Mastermind
Dave Wyndorf finally wrote the perfect hard rock album. Its full of catchy rock music and Wyndorf's made a stunning return to form. It occupies a different place in comparison to the classic albums from the band but I think the return of Ed Mundell made a huge difference to these songs. Dig that Hole, When the Planes Fall From the Sky, Time Machine.

16. Stargazer - A Great Work of Ages

Soaring epic extreme metal with frightening levels of technical prowess wrapped up in a raw old school production job. This veers from straight out attack to awe inspiring prog-metal realms and back again. Great stuff.

15. Seamount - III
Doom rock is a genre I've been hearing a lot of lately. This reminds me a lot of Thin Lizzy but updated for a modern audience. Incredibly catchy hard rock songs that occasionally go towards doom and heavy metal. Great driving music.

14. High on Fire - Snakes for the Divine
Bastard Samurai and How Dark We Pray are worth the price but the entire album's pretty great. The band sound more focused and the songs are great. They're not as ballsy as they used to be but I can't really complain about anything on this album except for that stoned Slayer riff on Ghost Neck.

13. Man's Gin - Smiling Dogs
This is the Cobalt guy's solo album. Its like Degradation Trip but with better songs and American folk music vibes. This is a terrific album full of dark but ridiculously catchy songs.

12. Weapon - From the Devil's Tomb
Weapon was my discovery of the past year. This Canadian band by way of Bangladesh, essentially play death metal but with enough touches of thrash and black metal and leads that are just classic metal. Fantastic album from another young band. Album #3 might just be a classic but From the Devil's Tomb is pretty close.

11. My Brother the Wind - Twilight in the Crystal Cabinet
Swedish jam band with some insanely good musicians. These 5 guys pretty much just landed up in the studio and jammed and recorded. Considering that, these songs are amazing in their cohesion. Sort of like Half Man but less blues and more 70s psychedelia and prog rock. There's some stunning stuff on Twilight in the Crystal Cabinet.

10. Agrimonia - Host of the Winged
This is difficult to describe. The band play a furious crusty death metal but break up the blasting with epic doom metal riffs, melodic interludes, some electronics and long periods of spacey jams. Agrimonia is like Fall of Efrafa with bite. Fantastic.

9. Negura Bunget - Virstele pamintuli
Negru's the only remaining original member and there's a definite change in sound. The opening song with the flute is incredibly eerie and sets the mood for an album that's more east European folk inspired than any of their previous albums. Stunning from start to finish.

8. Impaled Nazarene - Road to the Octagon
This is a serious return to form. The Finns haven't sounded this malevolent in a while. Road to the Octagon gave me the same kind of rush that Legion and Panzer Division Marduk did. I don't know if this has the staying power but its been a constant companion for the last few months.

7. Integrity - The Blackest Curse
This made me happy. Integrity's a band I've loved for no good reason for a while now but there are a few new bands around that make Integrity sound old and safe. Anyway, without getting maudlin, when I heard the mid paced, ominous opening riff on the album followed by girl doing spoken word bit followed by breakdown and then manic riffing and Dwid's shouting I had a big fucking smile on my face. Integrity is back. This is brutal old school metal core but its also a band trying new things and succeeding. Whether its epic and strange 8 minute songs or just the bands patented mix of thrash, hardcore and Motorhead, Integrity spew venom and hate. This is perfect music to bash someone's head in. Do not however play in car during traffic jam.

6. The Meads of Asphodel - The Murder of Jesus the Jew
The Meads have finally got the sound they needed and they've got the songs to back up their ambition. This is a sprawling concept album based on the life and times of Jesus Christ and The Meads as usual wear their distrust for religion on their collective sleeve. However, its the music that is utterly spellbinding. Black metal is now just the foundation on which the band builds an extreme metal sound that is influenced by hard rock/ metal, anarcho punk, folk and pop music not to mention a couple of absolutely stunning vocal choir pieces, acapella and terrific lead guitar parts along with the usual nods to Hawkwind and Skyclad. This is The Meads of Asphodel at their very best.

5. Killing Joke - Absolute Dissent
Its been 28 years since this line up last recorded as Killing Joke. Damn, this band's been around a while. Absolute Dissent is a friendlier beast in comparison to the 2 albums that cam before this but probably the better album as well. It's filled with memorable rock songs with totally hummable melodies and enough crunch to keep fans happy. There's absolutely nothing wrong with this and the band is just continuing along the path set by the comeback self titled album in 2003.

4. Thou - Summit
Thou was fantastic in 2010. Be it the numerous splits through out the year (all collected on the awesome Rendon Singles) or on Summit, their new full length where the band added a string section, a slightly more pronounced black metal feel and took Crowbar's sludge metal sound to previously uncharted territory and made it heavier and slower. Summit is a towering monolith of doom and the best thing they've done so far. Magnificent.

3. Ihsahn - After
Man, Ihsahn's solo career has just been phenomenal. Starting from The Adversary to aNgl and now After, each album has seen the growth of the artist. I kid you not. After is another evolution in his sound, this time with the addition of the saxophonist from The Shining and the rhythm section from Spiral Architect. It's completely brilliant. I thought the man would have a tough time topping aNgl but now I have no clue how he's going to top After. I'm pretty confident he will though. Awe inspiring.

2. Horn of the Rhino - Throne of Coronation
The band has hit their own stride. It could be the magic of the third album but Horn of the Rhino are completely magnificent here. They remind me at various times of Goatsnake and The Obsessed. They get brutally heavy, have a fantastic vocalist and the doom can get both heavy and soulful. Case in point is this awesome song. Another completely brilliant album by a young band.

1. Swans - My Father Will Guide Me Up A Rope To The Sky
This sounds like the last Angels of Light album but mixed with the clanging of The Great Annihilator. It sounds like Swans. Opener No Words No Thoughts is a fantastic start with its clanging off time riff and repetition and layers of noise and Eden Prison is Swans at their hypnotic best. The album is right up there with anything the band has ever done. The abrasive exists right next to the calm and it sounds better than ever.

A for easy, B for swan

I put on Overdose's Scars in the car today after ages. It was great fun singing along to all the weird sounds the vocalist makes and tomorrow I'm going to play Progress of Decadence. Happy new year to all and good cheer and greet the next 11 months with a smile and a song or cower under your blanket or simply ignore it. Whatever works for you. A new year and decade is upon me and I'm getting older. Its strange that I don't usually feel like this on my birthday but do at the start of the year. Old, old, old. I was going to write about random shit and suddenly here I am talking about my weary bones. When I pay attention to my friends they too seem to be saying the same things. Litanies to aging everywhere I look. I told my sister to watch Easy A and she asked me if my tastes were sobering down with age. Maybe they are. I also told her to watch Nightmare Detective in a desperate bid to regain some street cred. Tough times and secret relief when she said no.

I should get round to making year end lists soon but I really can't remember too many movies. Last year was one for watching tv shows of all sorts.

India just finished a brilliant test series against South Africa and drew level for the first time. The SA commentators were ridiculously partial throughout and the coverage was sucky and Ravi Shastri was the only Indian on the team but the actual cricket was fantastic. Sachin just continues to play the best cricket of his life and Kallis is, I think the greatest cricketer of the modern game. The IPL auctions also happened today and Chennai's managed to retain almost everybody except Murali who's going to Kochi and Shadab Jakati who's coming to Bangalore. Kochi's looking good as are Pune and Kolkotta and Mumbai has both Harbhajan and Symonds. And the tournament starts right after the world cup followed by tours to England and Australia. This is going to be a hell of a year for cricket. Did anybody actually think Ganguly was going to get picked? He should have retired. And lara also. Both great players have embarrassed themselves. Anyway, going to go watch Do Dooni Char. More later.

Later's turned out to be 2 days later. Oh well, Do Dooni Char was a surprisingly warm and amusing film. A slightly muddled ending but held together by excellent performances from Rishi Kapoor and Neetu Singh. Kapoor in particular was terrific as the maths teacher struggling to keep his family happy. Also saw Black Swan finally which in the end turned out to be more like a surreal version of The Wrestler except that it dealt with the high pressure world of ballet. It's a strange movie with an underwhelming conclusion but held together by a great performance from Portman. Vincent Cassel was great as the director of the ballet company too. The whole movie reminded me of Bergman at times and has a very distinct European feel to it. Overall, worth watching I guess.

This is going to be one long and disjointed update.

Also been watching twin peaks again. Not sure why but the coffee is still damn good.

Maybe not that long.

Love Power

this ain't nothing that a pill won't cure

Walking through ganja park a couple of nights ago gave me a strong feeling of deja vu. Right outside the park where a bunch of kids who were looking drunk and worried because one of their friends had collapsed on the pavement. Then just a little further ahead were a couple of kids exhaling sickly sweet smoke and looking nervous. 1997 all over again.

I think I'm back to being unsatisfied with life. A nagging feeling that things aren't turning out the way I'd like. There's nothing concrete to prove it but I can't shake this feeling. Oh well.

Desultory is one of those bands that for me has a lot of happy memories associated with it. I first got Bitterness when I was a little kid and its one of those albums that I can put on even today and sing along to every song on the album and hum the solos. Just one of those defining moments in my teenage life. The follow up and third album Swallow the Snake is till date on of the biggest disappointments in extreme metal. Now, some 15 years later the band's back with a new album and this really is the logical successor to Bitterness. The Morberg brothers are well and truly back as is their classic guitar tone. The album's good on its own merit and pretty much what I was hoping for. Death metal that made me happy and another inclusion in my shopping list.

I'm also addicted to Chuck. Its a ridiculous premise about a nerd who has all the secrets of the USA in his head and is handled by one alpha male from the NSA and one super hot blonde from the CIA. The actual spy stuff is silly and quite badly done but the rest of the series with Chuck at his work place, his eccentric colleagues, his sister and her fiancée are amusing, witty and occasionally laugh out loud funny. The scenes with the sister and the CIA agent while few and far between are very aesthetically pleasing. I'm also really looking forward to Dexter's season finale. The inclusion of Julia Stiles into the cast was a very good move. This season's wiped the floor with the last one and no more annoying Julie Benz to tolerate which was also a good move. Its also quite cool to see Angel Batista turn up in a bunch of movies, particularly as the dictator in The Expendables and then as the cop in 13. To round up my tv viewing, Boardwalk Empire is kicking some serious ass. Michael Shannon is proving to be a remarkably good actor in a cast that's full of them. Buschemi's nailed his role and makes me forget all the weird people he's played over the years. Nucky Jhonson is the most memorable anti hero on tv since Omar from The Wire. Omar's in this too but so far he's had little to do. Season 1 still has a few weeks left in its run but I'm already looking forward to season 2.

In other news I have a bunch of e mails from old and forgotten friends that I need to answer, a friend and his family to meet and return a painting. I'm really not looking forward to any of it and will probably ignore all of it except the painting which I've kind of had enough of.

Last night I had this vivid dream. I was sitting in the courtyard of the house in Khandige on my grandfather's easy chair. Feet up and reading Nightmares and Dreamscapes. My granddad turned up and proceeded to give me a lecture on gas lamps for what seemed like ages. Then we fixed the radio and went for a walk in the farm while munching on cucumbers cut from the plant right then and there. The strange part was waking up and remembering everything vividly. The stranger part was that the gas lamp conversation, the fixing of the radio and the cucumber walk all actually happened with my granddad's younger brother and I've never actually seen my granddad at all. Dreams I tell you.

RIP Leslie Nielsen

Thank you for the countless laughs. You will be missed.

It worries me when I update too frequently. Am I spending too much time over lunch at airlines? I'm hungry. My sweater smells of cigarettes. I need to buy flea powder for Ray. The new lesbian is awesome and the new Place of Skulls is really gay. Victor Griffin found christianity a while ago and decided to write an entire album about it. Irony? Maybe. Mostly just pathetic.

I feel like listening to Nocturnus suddenly. After years. Restless and irritated and feel like picking a fight just for the heck of it. It's also worrying that I've forgotten Powerpoint. This used to be my forte once upon a time and now its this alien tool that I sit and stare at for hours. I think I'm going to be stuck with work for a long while today. I hope I'm wrong. I want to head home and nap. Started on a UK mini series called Dead Set about a zombie epidemic set around a Big Brother tv show and it seems promising even if I'm not yet done with the first episode. Also another american show called In Treatment with Gabriel Byrne as a psychiatrist and each 20 minute episode has him with one patient. Its done really well and the first 15 minutes of episode 1 seemed very promising. Bit heavy and serious but very well acted and some 100 episodes already.

I'm a stoned jet fighter with a heart of gold

I've been having the same dream every night lately. I'm driving around in my car, a gigantic ksrtc bus cuts me off, then winds up climbing onto the divider and gets stuck. I look, point, laugh and drive on. Dream over. Freudian interpretations not required.

Here's someone I should have added to my list of IWILTF. The fact that I forgot then shames me but I saw her in an ad today and all my dormant schoolboy fantasies came back to life. Not to mention that she kind of looks like my English teacher from school. Damn.


What else is happening? Not much really. I feel a desperate need to bunk work tomorrow and sit and finish masterchef Australia season 2. Not healthy and not possible.

Before I take your leave, here's an unrated trailer for Hobo with a Shotgun. Rutger gives a speech and then its just total fucking mayhem.



... and i'm really mad and i'm really old.

Ghosts of the Midwinter Fires

Its been a while since I updated with anything approaching enthusiasm. I think the time has come to rectify that. After all, life seems mostly okay. Ignore all previously stated worries and move on.

There's a new Monster Magnet album and its really good. Like really really good. Like an easy 4 on 5, maybe 4.5. That alone should be reason to celebrate. One of my favourite bands that I'd kind of given up on is back and kicking ass. There's nothing on here like Bummer and the leads are very rare but that's the only problem I have with Mastermind. There's also a new Agalloch and Aborym that are rocking my world in totally different ways. The Aborym, first new album in 6 years is a very tame affair compared to the wall of sound and head fucking intensity of with no human intervention. Its catchy, groovy, at times melodic and even throws in some European techno. They've discarded the machine tools for a slightly more accessible sound and still sound killer. The new Agalloch, Marrow of the Spirit is a long solitary walk into a cold grey forest. The music exudes a certain sense of loneliness and despair that the band really hasn't hit since Pale Folklore. The neo folk bits are classic and the songs flow with a sense of purpose that was missing on Ashes against the Grain and this is the band's best in a while, which considering their awesome consistency is saying a lot.

On the other hand, the new Electric Wizard is a bit of a disappointment with its fuzzy underwhelming tone and bleak overall sound. There's very little difference between songs and overall sounds a bit rushed. Or maybe Oborne and crew just didn't smoke enough before writing this. Boring. The new Atheist ticks off all the right boxes and sounds good too but I feel like there's something missing here. The guitars sound nice and chunky, the bass is loud and the songs are quite groovy but feel is not happening. There's something missing in both these albums but not sure what yet.

In other news I am well and truly hooked on masterchef Australia. I decided to junk the tv in my room and so started to download episodes and now I stay up at night watching multiple episodes of a cooking show. Yesterday they brought back 3 of the older eliminated contestants and it left the top 7 and me fuming. So suddenly jimmy, peter and that bar tending chick are back. Wtf! And jimmy promptly makes a curry. Can this fellow cook anything apart from over spiced curries? I don't think so. Also, kind of hooked on Modern Family. The gay couple's really funny but the main men are the dad of those 3 little kids and the colombian 10 year old with the wisdom of the ancients and his big breasted mom doesn't hurt at all even if her voice and accent can grate after 15 minutes.

There was a brief moment of sunshine right now. I ran out to confirm its presence and it disappeared by the time I came back in. The rest of the day has been bleak, cold and wet.

The Coen brothers are remaking True Grit. With Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon and Josh Brolin. I know I've mentioned this previously but all I had then was a poster to go on. Now there are trailers and its going to kick ass. Matt Damon looks like an inspired bit of casting. I cant wait for christmas dammit.

Also, new Impaled Nazarene releasing in 2 days and still no leaks? O great interweb, what is wrong with thee? Where hast thine awesome power gone? Dammit!! Still, as far as teasers go, this is pretty awesome.


This Agalloch is beautiful and Marrow of the Spirit? What a fucking awesome album name. Are they post rock disguised as black-doom? Does it matter? Yes and no. This is one awesome album. It makes me want to sink into bed and hug myself. It has the potential to ruin perfectly good moods and enter into the subconscious where it'll spread till every thought is about being alone and no action is possible. I should turn it off but I can't, I can't, I can't.

Sitting in airlines on another cloudy day and updating blog when I should be working. It's okay though. The bills are paid and work can wait.I'm a little bit lost. I know I'm in a situation that will probably have pretty awful consequences sometime in the future but I won't quit it and get out and its become super easy to shrug and pretend like I have no control over it but I do. I could get out and a part of my brain that speaks for self preservation occasionally screams at me to get out but I simply don't want to. I'm going to bury my head in the sand and ignore the signs. This whole deal leaves me a bit bewildered and totally utterly without direction. I know what I should do but that's the last thing I want to do. How can something that makes me happier than I've ever been also completely get me down? There's a whole bunch of new experiences involved that leave me mostly confused, nervous and agitated.Things at home aren't making my life any easier. It feels like I'm constantly asked and expected to live up to some ideal and set of rules that people judge me on. If you don't have xyz by the time you're 31 then people might think you're a failure. If you're not heading towards a family of your own by then, the same people might think something's wrong with you. It really gets me down when they do the whole soft, "look, I'm being reasonable" voice to tell me shit they know I won't like. I wish people would leave me to my own devices. Honestly. It should be up to me whether I want to die alone or with a family to hold my hand. My choice and the consequences are something that only I'll have to deal with, either way. Just ranting now and probably not making much sense. Don't really feel like talking about anything else. Later I guess.

A short week. 3 days of work followed by the biggest festival of the year. Happy Diwali.
I turned 31 a while back. The entry that was supposed to mark my growing older was instead turned into an e mail, so here I am again. I think 31's left me with an ache in my bones and a perpetual fear of age. I woke up in a cold sweat last night with the number 31 flashing in my head in gigantic neon and induced a bout of sheer terror. Drama and exaggeration aside, 31 does make me feel older. Older than I felt with 30 which slid off me. 31 somehow seems more ominous. Like people are watching me now and I really have no excuse to fail at anything. I feel pressure. Its strange really. 21 was a whole lot more momentous but there wasn't any real pressure. Here, not much is going to change but I can feel some strange invisible pressure. I guess it comes down to growing old and how its finally started to suck a little bit.
In other news, I had a terrific birthday. It was the most fun I've had in years and I spent it with the only person I wanted to.

Their Hooves Carve Craters in the Earth

So what else? Woke up with a queasy stomach that seemed to be making butter of my insides. It hasn't gone yet. I should be working right now but can't really be bothered. Instead, I'm listening to the new fear factory and trying not to whine to you. Life is kind of complicated and nothing's ever easy. When I whine and complain being stoned makes perfect sense. If madness is the emergency exit, ganja's like leisurely taking the stairs and stopping at whatever floor you want, whenever you want.

I grazed my palm peeling coconuts in the morning and mommy, it burns.

I saw key largo again last night. Edward G. Is just such a perfect cowardly bully you hate him but you feel sorry for him too. Bogie's the reluctant hero and that's a role he pretty much patented and when Lauren Bacall comes on screen she just lights everything up. Probably my favourite Bogie movie but Bogie, Robinson and Bacall have all been better and acted in far greater movies. John Huston's made far better movies too but somehow Key Largo utterly captivates me everytime I watch it. Then I saw Lost in La Mancha again and that's one awesome documentary. I suppose you need to be familiar with Gilliam and his movies to appreciate this but its an insight into a true maverick genius. He sounds and looks like a total pain to work with but somehow his crew seems to worship him. Horrible manager, inspirational leader and probably the finest Gilliam movie he never made.

I'm leaving work early for a puja at home. Saying hi, hello, how are you to mom's 40 friends and running up and down pretending to be busy and strategically disappearing when its time to face God. Or maybe just sit in the last row and hope he doesn't ask me any tricky questions. I want to sleep as well at some point.

I wonder if Sachin will get a knighthood when he retires. I doubt it though. Goddamn monarchy. I wonder if Michael Clark will retire before Sachin does. Possible.

Thou has yet another album out. This is a collection of all their singles and splits from 2010 and while its kind of pointless its also Thou. I'm not sure why I love this band so much but I can spend an entire day listening to the band and reading the lyrics. It usually leaves me exhausted and curled up in a foetal position by the end of it but I think its worth it. Kind of like Swans and Today is the Day. Depressing but exhilarating. I finally got the Thou-Salome split from last year and it somehow didn't make me as happy as I thought it would. Just the sourcing was more fun. I also got Peasant on LP. The first anything by Thou that I heard. This should break the windows and rattle the doors when I finally get off my ass and hook my player to my speakers. Also, if anyone reading this can help me source acts of the unspeakable and to megatherion on LP I'd be eternally grateful and buy you all the coffee you can drink. By source I mean find for cheap, not e bay extortionist prices.

Knowledge asked me about setting milestones a while back. Where do I see myself at 35? Living in my own place with a garden and having the option of being idle whenever I feel like it. Simple plan. Probably too simple to ever achieve but a boy can dream, can he not?

That's all for now I think. Maybe more later but no time for everything I want to do and real life is intruding again.

i am the leviathan

Named after a particularly obscure rutger hauer movie about a dystopian society where the juggers are post apocalyptic sportsmen who play a brutal and violent version of ice hockey in the nuclear wastelands, this project with justin broadrick and bill laswell is everything you'd expect it to be and manages to throw in a few surprises as well. With help from dr. Israel on vocals and submerged for the beats, the album is at its core an electronic drum n bass exercise but coupled with Broadrick's guitar playing and Laswell's thick chunky bass the music takes on a whole new dimension. Broadrick's guitar playing brings to mind Godflesh and the punishing grooves that he patented with that seminal industrial act. The vocals of dr. israel go from rapping to spoken word and he's a cross between impassioned television broadcaster and end of days prophet. If I had the patience and time I'd give you a full review but for now this is pretty essential for broadrick fans and worth listening to if you like electronic music at all. Loads of new music over the weekend but the new kylesa sounds very good in promo form and the new intronaut might just be better than the last one. Madball has a new one too and they sound more like Pro-Pain than the last 2 Pro-Pain albums. The trick seems to be in just slightly slowing down their usual riffs. An actual fun album from Madball. Who would have thought. Wino's new album sounds like a bunch of tunes written when stoned. Maybe they sounded awesome then but the album's pretty fucking boring. The intronaut rhythm section bears a very close resemblance to reinert and malone. The clean vocals on the new one make them sound a bit cynic like too. Very cool album though.

A bird shat on me today and I was wearing my favourite shirt. It pissed me off for the rest of the day. The politicians of karnataka and my job and traffic and a friend also irritated me through no real fault of their own. I blame my sucky mood on that bird.

I'm spending a lot of time thinking. I don't like it at all.

salute to the jugger

Changing channels on the TV i saw a random Saurav Ganguly dismissal and knew exactly which match they were showing the highlights of and that it was from ten years ago. I don't remember what i had for dinner last night. Clutter clutter clutter.

blank

The smell of frying fish wafts down and entered my nostrils as I walk. Kaane fry happening somewhere. The streets of the village are deserted and the only other company on the road are a bunch of cows who seem to be out celebrating. One of them almost took my hand off but they seem generally to be in a good mood.

The rains have left the village and heat's been quick to reclaim its empire.

The weekend will be here shortly and my art of living class starts in a few hours. I hope to achieve some level of peace and calm after an hour of learning how to breathe.

I want more coffee but lunch needs to happen first.

I saw a particularly grim and gory movie called offspring yesterday. About a family of cave dwellers who occasionally come out to gather food for their family. Backwoods horror is generally a mean spirited grim genre and this movie is no different. May not be a Deliverance but in spite of looking amateurish the movie worked quite well. Not for the faint of heart or the delicate stomach.

I also saw Dust Devil again for the 8th time I think. There's something about this movie and the little things Stanley does to fuck with your head that is utterly captivating. Just one of those hypnotic movies. It has its flaws and its about 20 minutes too long but its still one of my favourite movies. Also, I'd like to be the projectionist in a drive in theatre in Namibia that shows bird with the crystal plumage and legend of the 7 golden vampires on a double bill. In another life I guess. I plan to watch hardware again over the weekend sometime. It has this hopeless feeling of dread and despair that's rare for a sci-fi and that hallucination scene is actually quite disturbing. Will let you know how it turns out obviously but with or without commentary? That is the question.

you mad fucker!

I think you're a special kind of crazy when you're a Khandige. Whether its manufacturing your own tv from scratch, deciding to ride 300km for your engagement or beating up your patient. A special, particularly tiresome kind of crazy. Sometimes I think I fit right in, other times I wish I didn't.

I spent the weekend in a green cloud floating somewhere over can't remember and don't give a fuck. It was refreshing and I felt free. I was tired of it by sunday night which was reassuring.

New seasons for community and 30 rock and both shows seem to be having re-starting trouble. Community took half a dozen shows to be consistent first time around and I'm hoping it'll be quicker this time. 30 rock's always been inconsistent so no biggie there. What's really surprising though is Outrageous Fortune which in its 6th season is still pretty strong. If memory serves, 3 was the weakest with everyone sleeping with everybody being the main storyline but since then things in the West household have been pretty interesting.

Been listening to loads of new music, most of it awesome. Saw some movies, most of it shit.

The predators movie was prime shit as was the nightmare remake. I did see one fun horror movie though in "tormented." A fun slasher movie where the killer is the soul of a tormented boy who's taking his revenge on the bullies who made his life hell. Also saw a single man which was just terrific to look at but annoyed me. Colin Firth was great in it though. Saw this movie called get him to the greek about a fading rockstar and his record label rep's attempt to get him to the greek theatre for a huge show blah blah. there are some great gags right through the movie but its too long. Also saw Sea of Dust with tom savini and this was one of the lamest, most horrible movies I've seen yet. I didn't feel like laughing when I saw this. Not like birdemic or alone in the dark. I just sat there amazed at the stupidity of it all. This movie deserves a seperate post but for now there's this one scene that's lifted from dusted devil. Homage if you will. In dust devil, its a pivotal moment. When the movie goes from some sort of serial killer western to some sort of horror occult western. The heroine has picked up a stranger who's hitch hiking and they're speeding along a deserted highway when the heroine who's driving sees the stranger standing outside on the road waiting for a ride. In sea of dust the hero's picked up a comatose girl who's possessed by a spirit and is riding a horse drawn carriage and as he's riding along a deserted forest path he seems himself standing by the side of the path. Fuck Sea of Dust. Dust Devil needs its own post. One of these days.

Why don't more bands worship fudge tunnel? Black Sun's new one sounds like an occasionally doomy tribute to Fudge Tunnel and made me want to listen to hate songs in e minor again. Great band. Black Sun's not bad either. The Crown has a new album too, some 7 years after deathrace kings I think. Its refreshing in its lack of modern chug and groove but there wasn't a single riff that made an impression. Not good. There's a band called Weapon from Canada who came out of Bangladesh originally and their new album is some of the most refreshing extreme metal I've heard in a long time. The band does an old school death thrash thing but wrapped up in a black metal vibe. They can riff, groove, write great songs and have a total asskicker of an album in "up from the devil's tomb." This shit really impressed me. The new enslaved pretty good. The only other albums I like are eld and bloodhemn. On this new one they sound totally massive but there's also one part where they sound like U2 and sometimes seem to be trying too hard to be progressive. The band is at its best when they're doing the bm thing though. That's when they're totally on and this new album has some classic enslaved happening. This black sun album is about 4 songs too long. "Life is hunger. You will starve." Fuck it.

Note to self: When in doubt, listen to Thou.

India take on Australia in a test series starting 1st of October. I'm looking forward to it and the second test is in Bangalore and I think I'm going to go on days 3 and 4. The last test match I saw at the stadium was also india australia. Sachin made a hundred, kumble took 5 wickets and india lost. I think mark waugh made a hundred too. Anyway, clarke, ponting and hussy I want to see.