Love Power

this ain't nothing that a pill won't cure

Walking through ganja park a couple of nights ago gave me a strong feeling of deja vu. Right outside the park where a bunch of kids who were looking drunk and worried because one of their friends had collapsed on the pavement. Then just a little further ahead were a couple of kids exhaling sickly sweet smoke and looking nervous. 1997 all over again.

I think I'm back to being unsatisfied with life. A nagging feeling that things aren't turning out the way I'd like. There's nothing concrete to prove it but I can't shake this feeling. Oh well.

Desultory is one of those bands that for me has a lot of happy memories associated with it. I first got Bitterness when I was a little kid and its one of those albums that I can put on even today and sing along to every song on the album and hum the solos. Just one of those defining moments in my teenage life. The follow up and third album Swallow the Snake is till date on of the biggest disappointments in extreme metal. Now, some 15 years later the band's back with a new album and this really is the logical successor to Bitterness. The Morberg brothers are well and truly back as is their classic guitar tone. The album's good on its own merit and pretty much what I was hoping for. Death metal that made me happy and another inclusion in my shopping list.

I'm also addicted to Chuck. Its a ridiculous premise about a nerd who has all the secrets of the USA in his head and is handled by one alpha male from the NSA and one super hot blonde from the CIA. The actual spy stuff is silly and quite badly done but the rest of the series with Chuck at his work place, his eccentric colleagues, his sister and her fiancée are amusing, witty and occasionally laugh out loud funny. The scenes with the sister and the CIA agent while few and far between are very aesthetically pleasing. I'm also really looking forward to Dexter's season finale. The inclusion of Julia Stiles into the cast was a very good move. This season's wiped the floor with the last one and no more annoying Julie Benz to tolerate which was also a good move. Its also quite cool to see Angel Batista turn up in a bunch of movies, particularly as the dictator in The Expendables and then as the cop in 13. To round up my tv viewing, Boardwalk Empire is kicking some serious ass. Michael Shannon is proving to be a remarkably good actor in a cast that's full of them. Buschemi's nailed his role and makes me forget all the weird people he's played over the years. Nucky Jhonson is the most memorable anti hero on tv since Omar from The Wire. Omar's in this too but so far he's had little to do. Season 1 still has a few weeks left in its run but I'm already looking forward to season 2.

In other news I have a bunch of e mails from old and forgotten friends that I need to answer, a friend and his family to meet and return a painting. I'm really not looking forward to any of it and will probably ignore all of it except the painting which I've kind of had enough of.

Last night I had this vivid dream. I was sitting in the courtyard of the house in Khandige on my grandfather's easy chair. Feet up and reading Nightmares and Dreamscapes. My granddad turned up and proceeded to give me a lecture on gas lamps for what seemed like ages. Then we fixed the radio and went for a walk in the farm while munching on cucumbers cut from the plant right then and there. The strange part was waking up and remembering everything vividly. The stranger part was that the gas lamp conversation, the fixing of the radio and the cucumber walk all actually happened with my granddad's younger brother and I've never actually seen my granddad at all. Dreams I tell you.

RIP Leslie Nielsen

Thank you for the countless laughs. You will be missed.

It worries me when I update too frequently. Am I spending too much time over lunch at airlines? I'm hungry. My sweater smells of cigarettes. I need to buy flea powder for Ray. The new lesbian is awesome and the new Place of Skulls is really gay. Victor Griffin found christianity a while ago and decided to write an entire album about it. Irony? Maybe. Mostly just pathetic.

I feel like listening to Nocturnus suddenly. After years. Restless and irritated and feel like picking a fight just for the heck of it. It's also worrying that I've forgotten Powerpoint. This used to be my forte once upon a time and now its this alien tool that I sit and stare at for hours. I think I'm going to be stuck with work for a long while today. I hope I'm wrong. I want to head home and nap. Started on a UK mini series called Dead Set about a zombie epidemic set around a Big Brother tv show and it seems promising even if I'm not yet done with the first episode. Also another american show called In Treatment with Gabriel Byrne as a psychiatrist and each 20 minute episode has him with one patient. Its done really well and the first 15 minutes of episode 1 seemed very promising. Bit heavy and serious but very well acted and some 100 episodes already.

I'm a stoned jet fighter with a heart of gold

I've been having the same dream every night lately. I'm driving around in my car, a gigantic ksrtc bus cuts me off, then winds up climbing onto the divider and gets stuck. I look, point, laugh and drive on. Dream over. Freudian interpretations not required.

Here's someone I should have added to my list of IWILTF. The fact that I forgot then shames me but I saw her in an ad today and all my dormant schoolboy fantasies came back to life. Not to mention that she kind of looks like my English teacher from school. Damn.


What else is happening? Not much really. I feel a desperate need to bunk work tomorrow and sit and finish masterchef Australia season 2. Not healthy and not possible.

Before I take your leave, here's an unrated trailer for Hobo with a Shotgun. Rutger gives a speech and then its just total fucking mayhem.



... and i'm really mad and i'm really old.

Ghosts of the Midwinter Fires

Its been a while since I updated with anything approaching enthusiasm. I think the time has come to rectify that. After all, life seems mostly okay. Ignore all previously stated worries and move on.

There's a new Monster Magnet album and its really good. Like really really good. Like an easy 4 on 5, maybe 4.5. That alone should be reason to celebrate. One of my favourite bands that I'd kind of given up on is back and kicking ass. There's nothing on here like Bummer and the leads are very rare but that's the only problem I have with Mastermind. There's also a new Agalloch and Aborym that are rocking my world in totally different ways. The Aborym, first new album in 6 years is a very tame affair compared to the wall of sound and head fucking intensity of with no human intervention. Its catchy, groovy, at times melodic and even throws in some European techno. They've discarded the machine tools for a slightly more accessible sound and still sound killer. The new Agalloch, Marrow of the Spirit is a long solitary walk into a cold grey forest. The music exudes a certain sense of loneliness and despair that the band really hasn't hit since Pale Folklore. The neo folk bits are classic and the songs flow with a sense of purpose that was missing on Ashes against the Grain and this is the band's best in a while, which considering their awesome consistency is saying a lot.

On the other hand, the new Electric Wizard is a bit of a disappointment with its fuzzy underwhelming tone and bleak overall sound. There's very little difference between songs and overall sounds a bit rushed. Or maybe Oborne and crew just didn't smoke enough before writing this. Boring. The new Atheist ticks off all the right boxes and sounds good too but I feel like there's something missing here. The guitars sound nice and chunky, the bass is loud and the songs are quite groovy but feel is not happening. There's something missing in both these albums but not sure what yet.

In other news I am well and truly hooked on masterchef Australia. I decided to junk the tv in my room and so started to download episodes and now I stay up at night watching multiple episodes of a cooking show. Yesterday they brought back 3 of the older eliminated contestants and it left the top 7 and me fuming. So suddenly jimmy, peter and that bar tending chick are back. Wtf! And jimmy promptly makes a curry. Can this fellow cook anything apart from over spiced curries? I don't think so. Also, kind of hooked on Modern Family. The gay couple's really funny but the main men are the dad of those 3 little kids and the colombian 10 year old with the wisdom of the ancients and his big breasted mom doesn't hurt at all even if her voice and accent can grate after 15 minutes.

There was a brief moment of sunshine right now. I ran out to confirm its presence and it disappeared by the time I came back in. The rest of the day has been bleak, cold and wet.

The Coen brothers are remaking True Grit. With Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon and Josh Brolin. I know I've mentioned this previously but all I had then was a poster to go on. Now there are trailers and its going to kick ass. Matt Damon looks like an inspired bit of casting. I cant wait for christmas dammit.

Also, new Impaled Nazarene releasing in 2 days and still no leaks? O great interweb, what is wrong with thee? Where hast thine awesome power gone? Dammit!! Still, as far as teasers go, this is pretty awesome.


This Agalloch is beautiful and Marrow of the Spirit? What a fucking awesome album name. Are they post rock disguised as black-doom? Does it matter? Yes and no. This is one awesome album. It makes me want to sink into bed and hug myself. It has the potential to ruin perfectly good moods and enter into the subconscious where it'll spread till every thought is about being alone and no action is possible. I should turn it off but I can't, I can't, I can't.

Sitting in airlines on another cloudy day and updating blog when I should be working. It's okay though. The bills are paid and work can wait.I'm a little bit lost. I know I'm in a situation that will probably have pretty awful consequences sometime in the future but I won't quit it and get out and its become super easy to shrug and pretend like I have no control over it but I do. I could get out and a part of my brain that speaks for self preservation occasionally screams at me to get out but I simply don't want to. I'm going to bury my head in the sand and ignore the signs. This whole deal leaves me a bit bewildered and totally utterly without direction. I know what I should do but that's the last thing I want to do. How can something that makes me happier than I've ever been also completely get me down? There's a whole bunch of new experiences involved that leave me mostly confused, nervous and agitated.Things at home aren't making my life any easier. It feels like I'm constantly asked and expected to live up to some ideal and set of rules that people judge me on. If you don't have xyz by the time you're 31 then people might think you're a failure. If you're not heading towards a family of your own by then, the same people might think something's wrong with you. It really gets me down when they do the whole soft, "look, I'm being reasonable" voice to tell me shit they know I won't like. I wish people would leave me to my own devices. Honestly. It should be up to me whether I want to die alone or with a family to hold my hand. My choice and the consequences are something that only I'll have to deal with, either way. Just ranting now and probably not making much sense. Don't really feel like talking about anything else. Later I guess.

A short week. 3 days of work followed by the biggest festival of the year. Happy Diwali.
I turned 31 a while back. The entry that was supposed to mark my growing older was instead turned into an e mail, so here I am again. I think 31's left me with an ache in my bones and a perpetual fear of age. I woke up in a cold sweat last night with the number 31 flashing in my head in gigantic neon and induced a bout of sheer terror. Drama and exaggeration aside, 31 does make me feel older. Older than I felt with 30 which slid off me. 31 somehow seems more ominous. Like people are watching me now and I really have no excuse to fail at anything. I feel pressure. Its strange really. 21 was a whole lot more momentous but there wasn't any real pressure. Here, not much is going to change but I can feel some strange invisible pressure. I guess it comes down to growing old and how its finally started to suck a little bit.
In other news, I had a terrific birthday. It was the most fun I've had in years and I spent it with the only person I wanted to.

Their Hooves Carve Craters in the Earth

So what else? Woke up with a queasy stomach that seemed to be making butter of my insides. It hasn't gone yet. I should be working right now but can't really be bothered. Instead, I'm listening to the new fear factory and trying not to whine to you. Life is kind of complicated and nothing's ever easy. When I whine and complain being stoned makes perfect sense. If madness is the emergency exit, ganja's like leisurely taking the stairs and stopping at whatever floor you want, whenever you want.

I grazed my palm peeling coconuts in the morning and mommy, it burns.

I saw key largo again last night. Edward G. Is just such a perfect cowardly bully you hate him but you feel sorry for him too. Bogie's the reluctant hero and that's a role he pretty much patented and when Lauren Bacall comes on screen she just lights everything up. Probably my favourite Bogie movie but Bogie, Robinson and Bacall have all been better and acted in far greater movies. John Huston's made far better movies too but somehow Key Largo utterly captivates me everytime I watch it. Then I saw Lost in La Mancha again and that's one awesome documentary. I suppose you need to be familiar with Gilliam and his movies to appreciate this but its an insight into a true maverick genius. He sounds and looks like a total pain to work with but somehow his crew seems to worship him. Horrible manager, inspirational leader and probably the finest Gilliam movie he never made.

I'm leaving work early for a puja at home. Saying hi, hello, how are you to mom's 40 friends and running up and down pretending to be busy and strategically disappearing when its time to face God. Or maybe just sit in the last row and hope he doesn't ask me any tricky questions. I want to sleep as well at some point.

I wonder if Sachin will get a knighthood when he retires. I doubt it though. Goddamn monarchy. I wonder if Michael Clark will retire before Sachin does. Possible.

Thou has yet another album out. This is a collection of all their singles and splits from 2010 and while its kind of pointless its also Thou. I'm not sure why I love this band so much but I can spend an entire day listening to the band and reading the lyrics. It usually leaves me exhausted and curled up in a foetal position by the end of it but I think its worth it. Kind of like Swans and Today is the Day. Depressing but exhilarating. I finally got the Thou-Salome split from last year and it somehow didn't make me as happy as I thought it would. Just the sourcing was more fun. I also got Peasant on LP. The first anything by Thou that I heard. This should break the windows and rattle the doors when I finally get off my ass and hook my player to my speakers. Also, if anyone reading this can help me source acts of the unspeakable and to megatherion on LP I'd be eternally grateful and buy you all the coffee you can drink. By source I mean find for cheap, not e bay extortionist prices.

Knowledge asked me about setting milestones a while back. Where do I see myself at 35? Living in my own place with a garden and having the option of being idle whenever I feel like it. Simple plan. Probably too simple to ever achieve but a boy can dream, can he not?

That's all for now I think. Maybe more later but no time for everything I want to do and real life is intruding again.

i am the leviathan

Named after a particularly obscure rutger hauer movie about a dystopian society where the juggers are post apocalyptic sportsmen who play a brutal and violent version of ice hockey in the nuclear wastelands, this project with justin broadrick and bill laswell is everything you'd expect it to be and manages to throw in a few surprises as well. With help from dr. Israel on vocals and submerged for the beats, the album is at its core an electronic drum n bass exercise but coupled with Broadrick's guitar playing and Laswell's thick chunky bass the music takes on a whole new dimension. Broadrick's guitar playing brings to mind Godflesh and the punishing grooves that he patented with that seminal industrial act. The vocals of dr. israel go from rapping to spoken word and he's a cross between impassioned television broadcaster and end of days prophet. If I had the patience and time I'd give you a full review but for now this is pretty essential for broadrick fans and worth listening to if you like electronic music at all. Loads of new music over the weekend but the new kylesa sounds very good in promo form and the new intronaut might just be better than the last one. Madball has a new one too and they sound more like Pro-Pain than the last 2 Pro-Pain albums. The trick seems to be in just slightly slowing down their usual riffs. An actual fun album from Madball. Who would have thought. Wino's new album sounds like a bunch of tunes written when stoned. Maybe they sounded awesome then but the album's pretty fucking boring. The intronaut rhythm section bears a very close resemblance to reinert and malone. The clean vocals on the new one make them sound a bit cynic like too. Very cool album though.

A bird shat on me today and I was wearing my favourite shirt. It pissed me off for the rest of the day. The politicians of karnataka and my job and traffic and a friend also irritated me through no real fault of their own. I blame my sucky mood on that bird.

I'm spending a lot of time thinking. I don't like it at all.

salute to the jugger

Changing channels on the TV i saw a random Saurav Ganguly dismissal and knew exactly which match they were showing the highlights of and that it was from ten years ago. I don't remember what i had for dinner last night. Clutter clutter clutter.

blank

The smell of frying fish wafts down and entered my nostrils as I walk. Kaane fry happening somewhere. The streets of the village are deserted and the only other company on the road are a bunch of cows who seem to be out celebrating. One of them almost took my hand off but they seem generally to be in a good mood.

The rains have left the village and heat's been quick to reclaim its empire.

The weekend will be here shortly and my art of living class starts in a few hours. I hope to achieve some level of peace and calm after an hour of learning how to breathe.

I want more coffee but lunch needs to happen first.

I saw a particularly grim and gory movie called offspring yesterday. About a family of cave dwellers who occasionally come out to gather food for their family. Backwoods horror is generally a mean spirited grim genre and this movie is no different. May not be a Deliverance but in spite of looking amateurish the movie worked quite well. Not for the faint of heart or the delicate stomach.

I also saw Dust Devil again for the 8th time I think. There's something about this movie and the little things Stanley does to fuck with your head that is utterly captivating. Just one of those hypnotic movies. It has its flaws and its about 20 minutes too long but its still one of my favourite movies. Also, I'd like to be the projectionist in a drive in theatre in Namibia that shows bird with the crystal plumage and legend of the 7 golden vampires on a double bill. In another life I guess. I plan to watch hardware again over the weekend sometime. It has this hopeless feeling of dread and despair that's rare for a sci-fi and that hallucination scene is actually quite disturbing. Will let you know how it turns out obviously but with or without commentary? That is the question.

you mad fucker!

I think you're a special kind of crazy when you're a Khandige. Whether its manufacturing your own tv from scratch, deciding to ride 300km for your engagement or beating up your patient. A special, particularly tiresome kind of crazy. Sometimes I think I fit right in, other times I wish I didn't.

I spent the weekend in a green cloud floating somewhere over can't remember and don't give a fuck. It was refreshing and I felt free. I was tired of it by sunday night which was reassuring.

New seasons for community and 30 rock and both shows seem to be having re-starting trouble. Community took half a dozen shows to be consistent first time around and I'm hoping it'll be quicker this time. 30 rock's always been inconsistent so no biggie there. What's really surprising though is Outrageous Fortune which in its 6th season is still pretty strong. If memory serves, 3 was the weakest with everyone sleeping with everybody being the main storyline but since then things in the West household have been pretty interesting.

Been listening to loads of new music, most of it awesome. Saw some movies, most of it shit.

The predators movie was prime shit as was the nightmare remake. I did see one fun horror movie though in "tormented." A fun slasher movie where the killer is the soul of a tormented boy who's taking his revenge on the bullies who made his life hell. Also saw a single man which was just terrific to look at but annoyed me. Colin Firth was great in it though. Saw this movie called get him to the greek about a fading rockstar and his record label rep's attempt to get him to the greek theatre for a huge show blah blah. there are some great gags right through the movie but its too long. Also saw Sea of Dust with tom savini and this was one of the lamest, most horrible movies I've seen yet. I didn't feel like laughing when I saw this. Not like birdemic or alone in the dark. I just sat there amazed at the stupidity of it all. This movie deserves a seperate post but for now there's this one scene that's lifted from dusted devil. Homage if you will. In dust devil, its a pivotal moment. When the movie goes from some sort of serial killer western to some sort of horror occult western. The heroine has picked up a stranger who's hitch hiking and they're speeding along a deserted highway when the heroine who's driving sees the stranger standing outside on the road waiting for a ride. In sea of dust the hero's picked up a comatose girl who's possessed by a spirit and is riding a horse drawn carriage and as he's riding along a deserted forest path he seems himself standing by the side of the path. Fuck Sea of Dust. Dust Devil needs its own post. One of these days.

Why don't more bands worship fudge tunnel? Black Sun's new one sounds like an occasionally doomy tribute to Fudge Tunnel and made me want to listen to hate songs in e minor again. Great band. Black Sun's not bad either. The Crown has a new album too, some 7 years after deathrace kings I think. Its refreshing in its lack of modern chug and groove but there wasn't a single riff that made an impression. Not good. There's a band called Weapon from Canada who came out of Bangladesh originally and their new album is some of the most refreshing extreme metal I've heard in a long time. The band does an old school death thrash thing but wrapped up in a black metal vibe. They can riff, groove, write great songs and have a total asskicker of an album in "up from the devil's tomb." This shit really impressed me. The new enslaved pretty good. The only other albums I like are eld and bloodhemn. On this new one they sound totally massive but there's also one part where they sound like U2 and sometimes seem to be trying too hard to be progressive. The band is at its best when they're doing the bm thing though. That's when they're totally on and this new album has some classic enslaved happening. This black sun album is about 4 songs too long. "Life is hunger. You will starve." Fuck it.

Note to self: When in doubt, listen to Thou.

India take on Australia in a test series starting 1st of October. I'm looking forward to it and the second test is in Bangalore and I think I'm going to go on days 3 and 4. The last test match I saw at the stadium was also india australia. Sachin made a hundred, kumble took 5 wickets and india lost. I think mark waugh made a hundred too. Anyway, clarke, ponting and hussy I want to see.

El Festival de los Viajes

Epic Spaghetti Space Rock!

snacktualize it

its been a really good weekend. Home alone with drugs and a crazy kitten for company. Couple of friends also. And a particularly nice mushroom and baby corn in plum wine. That plum wine really was terrific. Very nice chaser. Now, sitting at home and wondering to myself if i really have to go to work tomorrow. I'm reminded of an ancient South Canara proverb.

I think I'm going to go get another cup of coffee.

The new fear factory's really impressed me. It's way better than they really have any right to be. It gets my seal of approval and you know that doesn't come cheap. More importantly Im going to be championing the cause of Weapon over the next few weeks or till I forget. Whatever comes first.

Anyway, i sat down thinking i had so much to say and then realised i had sweet diddly. later.

FEAR the chair leg of truth!

Airlines for lunch after what seems like ages. My quiet idyll shattered by two kids who are sharing the table and talking loudly about their troubles in college. Thank god for the I pod.

I'd like to take this time to address a very serious problem my village is facing. The idiot on the road. There are a whole lot of them who want to reach from point A to point B as quickly as they can. It doesn't really seem to matter that in their hurry they delay themselves and others. Case in point is Hosur road which has seen some road widening happening. Now one stretch of the road is significantly wider than the rest and the Bangalore idiot insists on speeding across the half ready road in his quest for shorter travel time. What the idiot's brain blocks from his vision is that the road narrows near the signal and idiot and non idiot alike are stuck in a monstrous bottle neck. Travel time that used to be 30 minutes at the worst of times can now last anywhere from 45 to 90 minutes. That's for a 4 km stretch. Sitting in my car and following lane discipline has become an arduous task that sets my blood to boil. Can the idiots not see what they're doing? Obviously not. I think its a deep rooted illness.

In other news, my birthday next month promises plenty. Yay!

In still other news the only forum I visit to puke my opinions is dead and slowly rotting away so I figure I may as well just stick to scrawling on you, dear diary. So what if your stretch marks obscure and cloud my words. I don't mind and neither should you. I've been in a slightly strange space where new sludge no longer gets me hard. I think it hit me when I heard Grief's ...and man will be the hunted and realised there hasn't been anything new in the genre in a long long time and most new bands are simply following the legends of the scene. There are exceptions of course. Thou continue to be legendary with a full length and split this year that ripped my face off, Rhino's just released what might become my favourite album this year although they had to change names and Howl put out a debut that just continues to grow on me. Fuck all that for a minute though. Right now the 3 albums that are constantly being played in my room, on my I pod and in my car are Killing Joke's Absolute Dissent, Stargazer's A Work for the Ages and Man's Gin's Smiling Dogs. All 3 albums have only one thing in common. They rule. Stargazer's brand of extreme metal is rough and ready and absolutely classy from start to finish with a bass player who plays like he thinks he's in Cynic. Killing Joke's absolute dissent is like a best of album with the band touching on all points of their varied discography and adding a bunch of new touches to the songs. Man's Gin is a dark, folky, mostly acoustic album that sounds like a stripped down degradation trip with immensely talented backing musicians. I'm boring myself with the name dropping. Later.

I'm hooked on master chef. Today, gay boy, tattooed rough neck and cute chick are up for elimination. I hope to get home before 9.

Still hooked on Outrageous Fortune and its season 6 and 10 episodes down and Cheryl's still in jail, wolf's moved Ugly Betty and the rest of the Wests are struggling along as best they can.
Also, RCB take on the Highveld lions today in what is a must win for both teams. After the heartbreak of the last game I'm hoping RCB kick some ass.

what you put into your head

A man knocked on my door today. He asked me if I was ready for salvation. I zapped him with my omega ray. What would you have done?

Ringworm, Dim Mak, Crisis, Pulling Teeth and Runemagick. All set and nothing to do. Today was long and tiring and i had to talk and converse and be social and it wasn't so bad. The mint and chocolate mousse was especially not bad.

Tomorrow's a holiday. They haven't sighted the moon yet but holiday anyway. I had lunch with a couple of really old friends and one not so old friend. It was very relaxing. Must do this more often.

Could have slept for a couple more hours, but no, phone calls and e mails and work on a Saturday morning. At least lunch plans got cancelled and I should be grateful for that. I guess.

What else is happening? A fair bit I think but nothing I want to write down here. Not till ive understood it anyway which might be never.

The end of the world starts in Serpentine Street.

southern beast with brimstone breath

Rhino went and changed their name to horn of the rhino and put another album out. I wouldn't have known if a friendly passer by hadn't mentioned it. I'm finally listening to it now and it's really good. There's also a new Death Angel and the first song has a totally classic thrash intro. Made me think of a post apocalyptic world with bikers and hot chicks but also Halford on a Harley. Abort.

The weekend was decent. The I key on my laptop is a little stuck and proving to be a pain. There's a cat and kitten that have adopted us. Kitkat and Ray. Pictures whenever.

Boring Sunday. Last few days of freedom. Not much happening right now but soon. Neil Marshall's new movie Centurion looks good in a Conan taken to Scotland via Rome kind of way. Finally got My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done and hopefully it'll live up to my expectations. Also got Killer Inside Me and the new Futurama. Bumper Sunday.

Also, I think it's time to make a proper @))( list. Soon.

Okay, later.

a gas mask is haute couture in the summer of rage

not much happening really. alone at home for another 10 days or so and its mostly boring and dull. just re-started work and it makes me feel like taking a holiday again. There's a cat and her kitten that seem to be slowly adopting us and particularly the front garden and the mom loves bread for some reason. Today I found out that there's a large ginger tom that has adopted the terrace to sun bathe. He's huge and looks like he could be the dad but ran away before i even registered his presence.

In other news there's this band called Agrimonia that's giving me goose bumps. Mixing doom with crust and sludge and vaguely dissonant black metal riffing the band sounds like a darker more nihilistic Fall of Efrafa without the Neurosis like wall of sound. There's a couple of guys from Martyrdod on this and a chick on vocals that I would never have known about if not for metal archives. In other news, the new Kings of Frog Island is pretty damn solid. Still bluesy fuzzy stoner rock but with less of the QotSA sound and more of that laid back psychedelic feel they did so awesomely in the second half of II. In still other news, lots of kickass music but don't really feel like namedropping so will leave it for later.

Saw The Expendables, first day, second show and I went to the theatre with that much enthusiasm after ages and probably after Dark Night. The movie was great and watching it in the theatre really was the bomb. The first kill with Lundgren and his shotgun set the tone and right through you had references to older movies that the guys had made, personal references from Jet Li's height and Lundgren's addiction troubles to Randy Couture's cauliflower ears and a very cool scene with Willis and Arnold and some solid fight scenes made this total entertainment. The scene with Statham firing the gun from the plane, the fist fight between Sly and Stone Cold and Terry Crews' shotgun blasts in the climactic battle were awesome set pieces but the movie's just total timepass all the way through and even has a sad emotional scene for Mickey Rourke to do. Bring on The Expendables 2,3,4,5 and 6. I'll be right here. Till then, I'll just wait for Machete and Hobo with a Shotgun to quell my nonsense action needs.

There's a new Swans album out. It has some long ass name that I have a hard time remembering but essentially it's like the best bits of The Great Annihilator, Love of Life and We are Him coming together to make some of the finest music that Gira's ever put his name on. I miss Jarboe's voice but that's just nit picking on what might be the album of the year. Listen to it.

Till then, here's Shooter Jennings and Heirophant with Summer of Rage. Listen to this too.

here there be knowledge

Hello. Been a while since I came here but I didn't come to talk to you. You can go back to flashing your legs and corrupting the innocent.

For a while now I've been feeling this hard cold stone in my chest. Like something trapped under my ribs and digging into my lungs. A listless lethargic defeated feeling that I couldn't shake off. The few days I spent with you shook it off and then some. I'd forgotten what it felt like to just revel in the moment. To forget everything and exclude everything and just be happy. You made me remember it and made me realise how easy it is. I saw friends and it didn't matter because you were there. Wow. This is going to be disjointed and homosexual. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say but these few days were magical. Like the imaginarium. Or something. I'm happy.

I guess on the downside my routine feels even more ordinary and mundane. Like a placeholder for a spot in my life that should ideally have you and not endless cups of coffee and driving around in circles. My village feels empty and incomplete. Like something's missing and I miss you horribly. Waking up next to you, your skin touching mine and your arm over my leathery hide and our tongues ready to do battle. I miss you more now but I'm really happy too. I might still be manstruating but I'm not worrying about it. I love you. Thank you for letting me come and see you.

Srpski film

i got hold of a serbian film today. i plan to watch it over the weekend. thought you should know. just in case.

saturday evening choices and plans

i think there was a time when i would have reveled in a day like today. scaring the pants off a pathetic cowardly fuck was something i did for fun once upon a time and now it's this delicate job that requires planning and back up. Still worked and went off like clockwork but left me feeling a bit dirty and unhappy and alone. strange shit but then this weekend was always going to be weird.

sat down and finished season 5 of outrageous fortune and for the first time in 5 seasons it ended on a complete cliffhanger. pity, season 6 hasn't even started yet.

i'm not sure if i want to sit at home and continue feeling sad or go out and get smashed and feel sad. choices, choices.

weekend warrior

I'm dreading this weekend. probably because I'm not really looking forward to it. damn.

Dirty Dozen Redone

Of Ancient Memory (the Oblivion Seekers)

I think this is the end now. The people who could escape have done so and the people who were stuck are no more. It's a bit scary how much of Jarboe's words I can relate to. Maybe I'm just looking and want it to but still.

as far as the eye can see heat is rising off the sand
somewhere out on this holy land time once
was held in their hands
but it bleeds now down the mountain red to the river bank
where they burn their dead
and it sinks deep in the blackest sea
to a bed of ancient memory-
the incense is sweet fills the air this night: lulls you to sleep
the past and the future are here in this fever
from the cold star that makes no sound
a cruel poison comes down as we bathe nude
in the wind, metallic blue becomes our skin
strange is the magic
the waters make no sound
strange is the magic
we lay our bodies down
love dark and tragic
we lay upon the ground
love is the magic
now we spiral round
we drink the waters
filled with delight
the past and the future
closed to our sight
no need for the wisdom
words from the sages
for here is oblivion
come down through the ages
you don't come to this place on your own
you're born to this pain it's your home
it's useless they say to run and hide
you know it's useless they pay who stay and fight
we didn't come here of our own volition
it's prophesy, apathetic contrition
and we didn't come here of a free will
to grip a silent unknown fear then lay quite still
we close our eyes, turn our face
close our mind now go away
shut your eyes and turn away
you've closed your mind but it's here to stay
in the flickering blue century
the blue eternity
blue bombs explode on the screen
blue arms outstretched as they plead
see the cold star, it makes no sound, poison comes down
it sinks in the black sea: a bed of ancient memory

valkyrie in the roller disco

Bangalore born and Bangalore bred
when I dies, I'll be Bangalore dead

...with due apologies to Frank Hennessy

So my favourite blogs are dying. One by one by one like dominoes they fall. It started with boizebu then enemy of the music business, then the worried well went down and now even the relatively innocuous metalhcalbums is dead. I'm not liking this at all.

In other news, there really isn't any. I only came here so I could steal Frank's line and use it for my own selfish needs.

well done Bannakaffalatta

Life's been a little confusing the last couple of weeks. A million unasked questions and elements that are in constant flux. Weariness I think, more than anything else. Tired and hopelessly lost and a little resentful of the way my life is going. I know not what I want but know this isn't it.

I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately. the weekend was the weekend and then the last couple of days have seen my sleep plagued and broken by what might have been an imaginary cat and an all too real drunk friend. I have a feeling tonight may be no different. also it's bright and sunny today. after a really long while and it's really fuck all. typical doom metal weather when the sun is hidden away somewhere, a cold breeze and the constant threat of rain is where it's at. makes me happy.

i saw Rajneeti and the less said about it the better. I'm still watching doctor who and it's getting a bit hit and miss. I've started on grand dad's books and am currently reading "the streaked blond slave." turns out he also left me his collection of cuff links which i got today morning and which came completely out of the blue. Must get some shirts to go along.

meetings, meetings, meetings
they drive me up the wall
they'd like to feed me their leavings
it'll be fun to make them crawl

later.

homecoming

He grinned a 32 watt grin. His tongue was pressed against his teeth and almost seemed to be oozing out from between the gaps. He was dancing without moving. He was where he'd always wanted to be. Fire all around him and it felt cold. It felt good. He stood and watched. His tongue making further progress. Squeezing and forcing its way into and through the gaps. He didn't know and even if he did it would have made no difference. This was rapture. He stared at the columns of fire and the faces he thought he knew. He stamped his foot to the thumping bass groove and kept on grinning. Even as his tongue made slow but inexorable progress through his teeth he exulted in the fact that he'd always known. This was where he'd end up. Was prepared for it. Was looking forward to it for most of his life. The music fell silent and the dancing stopped. His tongue was sticking out now. His teeth losing the battle but still fighting the war. A trace of blood on his lips, a few teeth sticking out and a few cuts on his tongue. Lost in glorious rapture, he was indifferent to the war in his mouth. He danced now. With renewed energy. Moving every limb like his life depended on it. A madman's dance, a merry go round and windmill somehow combined. He danced and his tongue sneaked out of his mouth. A brilliant red thing of indeterminate length. He danced with his feet and his hands and his hips and his head. The faces came closer and he found they came attached with bodies. He felt he should say hello but simply could not. The faces stared and seemed to be waiting. He didn't know about this bit. The fires had gone out and he was sweating. His tongue must have come into his line of vision at this time. Moving now at a noticeable rate. Cracked teeth, blood stained gums and a few standing teeth were all that remained. This war was lost. He stared at the faces and wondered where he'd seen them before and what they were waiting for. He tried saying hello again and he couldn't. His tongue inched onwards and upwards. The bright shining red seemed to move and ripple; a life of its own. When he saw her he knew it was getting to the end. As he swayed and moved to a beat only she could hear. As she made her slow but inevitable approach. As she stood in front of him, his tongue. As she reached for it and held it in a grip all at once gentle and firm. His tongue seemed to purr and became brighter. The tongue knew as well. She pulled. He danced as his tongue now stretched out infinite. She pulled hard and soft at the same time. The faces were forgotten and every sense he had was focused on the woman. As she pulled him and the tongue with her eyes and her hands.

Finally. He was home.

Watchoo talkin' 'bout?

Gary Coleman died. Different Strokes, The Fantastic World of DC Collins, The Kid with the 2000 IQ and Jimmy the Kid. Used to be a regular Sunday afternoon feature at home when I was little. Whats with all my child hood idols biting the dust?

RIP Gary Coleman

our dying republic

sons of liberty is the best thing Jon Schaffer's done since Something Wicked this Way Comes. This is so cheesy but i've been singing along all evening. and there's one song on this album where he's ripped off the intro from living on a prayer and used it as the main riff on the verse. i'm probably just hearing things but yeah, video. with lyrics and everything.

i hope it passes me by

i've been sitting at home the last couple of days with a sty in the eye. It's reduced in size now and i feel pretty good but the pills made me woozy and i slept in the afternoon. It's made me woozy again. I hate pills. So anyway, sat at home all day and listened to music.

The Pack AD is catchy and has a couple of great songs and a great vocalist which always helps but I'll forget about them in a couple of weeks. The new Integrity's made me want to listen to seasons again and it actually sounds tame in comparison to the blackest curse. well done. In other news I've also been playing these two videos through the day.






I also saw this movie called the anatomy of murder with jimmy stewart as a defense attorney trying to get off his client who killed a guy who raped his wife. whatever. it was long and it was alright. i think the only black and white movies i like are the silent types and the heist types. riffifi came so close to doing both. I'm going back to the terrace. so bored.

those who fear tomorrow

long ago. in a time and place most never knew, there was a magazine. not just any magazine. this was something called terrorizer. a beat up photo copy of the original that a friend had got his hands on from the vast and dark underground. paradise lost was on the cover plugging draconian times and inside in the album reviews section was a band called integrity and an album called seasons in the size of days. like motohead, slayer and agnostic front in a gang bang the review said. main man dwid had been arrested and then released in question with bombings and he looked like a psycho fuck. i was an impressionable boy. it took me years to track it down and when i finally found the band it was those who fear tomorrow on a beat up cassette. humanity is the devil followed in a beat up used CD sale. i finally found seasons and realised it was a good album after a bunch of great ones. Now, Integrity has a new album out. This is their first proper album since Closure in 2001 but they've had a whole bunch of splits and eps and DVDs and what not so can't really call this a comeback. So far, it's awesome and Integrity continues to be just one of those bands from a time and place that most never knew.



today was an ideal sunday. a boring early evening led to watching the milk boil for a whole fifteen minutes. watching a solid frozen block of ice slowly crumbling into liquid milk. like a world was sinking into the sea. like deep impact but boiled and not deep fried. it was fun and i managed to switch off the gas before the milk boiled over.

steve von till's as the crow flies or steve kelly's spirit bound flesh? i think as the crow flies but sometimes i'm not so sure.

suffering makes great stories

no sleep. listening to blut aus nord and making a play list that's crossed the 100 hour mark. bored. waiting for the evening. done with lunch and another light drizzle. blame it on Laila.

Dwid's back. It's no season in the size of days but it'll do.

one hand to hold down and the other to panic
one eye on the task at hand and the other on escape
one half right here and the other in bed

strength through shopping

She asked him to pee on her face. He ran out of the house screaming. I blame it on the heat.

This year's shopping list is going to go totally out of control. I can feel it. I need new cabinets and a nice looking shelf. I'm stacking books on the floor and I've long since stopped trying to order my CDs alphabetically.

You know, after a couple of long hard days at work with crazy shit going on it feels good to sit down for a couple of noisy beers and watch as your friend's evening goes into the shitter. Most laughs I've had in a while.

I met some interesting people today. Interesting for all the wrong reasons. If you're husband gets to be cultural secretary then do you get to be the first lady of culture? I hope not. It's 11:27 pm and I really should get down to work. It depresses me and makes me very very irritable. Whine whine whine.

I might have a gk party at home next weekend. I hope to see things through and have time left over for the clean up. I need to get less fucked up over the weekends. Especially when I'm outside. Saturday morning's have not been fun for a while. I have vague memories of actually getting up around breakfast time and heading out to Airlines on Saturday mornings. Spending the entire morning and afternoon there and heading back home only to doll up for the weekend.

My parents are regarding me with suspicion. They always have and they've always known when something was up.

I'm getting new perspectives on how much parents will do for their children. I saw a strong man bend till his nose touched the floor. For his child. It blew my mind.

Tom G. sounds a bit hoarse but Eparistera Daimones is awesome.

Mickey Rourke seems to have become the flavour of the day with Iron Man 2. I think he might even kick Downey's ass but will hold the opinion till I've actually seen it. Anyway, turns out a bunch of local art fags have been catching up on Barfly and and a couple, even 9 1/2 Weeks. What did they watch when they were in school? How come no one ever mentions Johnny Handsome and Bullet. I hope I can find that clip on Youtube with Rourke and Whitaker and the Halloween story and just about any scene in Bullet that has Rourke in it. Those two movies need to be seen.

an inheritance

So today I finally pulled out granddad's books. 16 years after they moved next door and 16 years after the books were meticulously packed away by him. It was mostly old medical journals and texts and books, what seems like hazaar 70s and 80s bestsellers, puzzle books, Shakespeare and about 7 copies of the Bhagvad Gita. Buried among all of this though was what I'd been looking for. My summer holiday reading every year I went to Mangalore. Every year grand dad would pick and choose a row of books that I could read and the rows that I wasn't old enough for.

Erle Stanley Gardner
I moved to Perry Mason about a year after I was done with the Agatha Christie and Sherlock Holmes I think. Nice to see these again.

The Case of the Fiery Fingers
The Case of the Singing Skirt
The Case of the Foot Loose Doll
The Case of the Cautious Coquette
The Case of the Vagabond Virgin
The Case of the Ice Cold Hands
The Case of the Mythical Monkeys
He Case of the Mischievous Doll
The Case of the Shapely Shadow
The Case of the Horrified Heirs
The Case of the Deadly Toy
The Case of the Beautiful Beggar
The Case of the Half Awakened Wife
The Case of the Green Eyed Sister
The Case of the Dangerous Dowager
Fish or Cut Bait

Ian Fleming
I wasn't allowed to read the James Bond books or see his movies for the longest time. At least not under parental supervision anyway.

You Only Live Twice
For Your Eyes Only
Octopussy
On Her Majesty's Secret Service
The Man with the Golden Gun
Moonraker

James Hadley Chase
I still remember the first time I read No Orchids for Miss Blandish. It was a harrowing experience and also the first Chase book I ever read. Nothing ever came close to it after that but I think this was also when my love affair with pulpy crime fiction first started.

A Lotus for Ms. Quon
Cade
The Wary Transgressor
This Way for A Shroud
You Find Him – I'll Fix Him
The Sucker Punch
No Orchids for Ms. Blandish
Miss Shumway Waves a Wand
Mission to Sienna

Mickey Spillane
"I'm not an old man. I'm a young man something happened to." There's a million quotable quotes from Spillane and I love the man. These just put a big smile on my face.

I, the Jury
The Big Kill
The Long Wait
The Deep
The Body Lovers
My Gun Is Quick

Edward S. Aarons
I have no idea who this dude is or what the books are about but man the covers and the titles had me hooked the minute I saw them.


Assignment: Nuclear Nude
Assignment: Peking
Assignment: Carlotta Cortez
Assignment: Mara Tirana

Edgar Wallace
More classic crime fiction. More big smiles.

The Calendar
The Feathered Serpent
The Clue of The New Pin
The Gunner
The Yellow Snake

Carter Brown
The one series of books that totally had me curious. Just look at the titles and the covers. Damn.

The Streaked Blond Slave
The Ice Cold Nude
Who Killed Dr. Sex
So What Killed the Vampire
The Dance of Death
Sweetheart This Is Homicide/ Madam, You're Morgue Bound

Leslie Charteris
The dude who created the saint who was much much later played by Val Kilmer and a totally unexpected find.

The Saint on Guard
The Avenging Saint
The Saint Steps In

John Creasy
Another British crime writer most famous for his Toff and Gideon series.


The Toff in Wax
The Toff on Fire
The Man I Killed
Gideon's Badge
Wait For Death

I also have about 30 westerns that I'm too lazy to list and about another 30 really dodgy pulp fiction with naked chicks on the cover that I have absolutely no recollection of ever seeing. Must have been hidden away for most of their lives. Turning into quite a good Sunday and continuing to find out more about grand dad. Good times.

abcdefg live

Live videos from the tour to support ABCDEFG are finally out and here's a couple.

This is probably my favourite song from the new album. It's simple and yet so damn powerful...



Then this one's just super fun....

so much to do and so little time

I had a terrific apricot and peach cheese cake today in the hole in the wall. I like the vibe there even if it is too damn small.

Feeling tired and sleepy and decided to give up on coffee house so I could update you instead. Are you grateful? You should be, you sniveling little drama queen.

Goatsnake's set from Roadburn is making it's way round the internet and one of these days I'm going to send a fatty, put on my headphones and pretend I was there.

Bored and tired and sleepy but there's work to be done and the fear of unemployment to be put in people. Later.

the work ethic myth

The Work Ethic Myth

We have paved the roads that have led to our own oppression. Fear of the unknown, of rejection, has put brutes and villains in power. The fetters that restrict our arms and throats were cast by our own hands, just as we have set our own guards at the door. We drag boulders a thousand leagues to erect their palaces. We have established a system of education that celebrates sacrifice and creates generations of slaves. Hold hands in a ritual of deception. Hold hands in a ritual of desolation. Hold hands in a ritual of self destruction. We are the accomplice class: footstools for our masters, spineless bastards all.

this and that

Is all well? I hope so but I doubt it.

Holiday today. Ambedkar Jayanthi and Vishu together or some such shit. Already bored and that sick feeling at the pit of my stomach seems to have settled in and got itself a solid grip. Today would have been perfect to spend in coffee shops all day with the cool breeze, coffee and cigarettes. Back to not being sure why I'm doing what I'm doing. Back to being mildly irritated and generally dissatisfied.

I'm going to airlines in a bit. Then hopefully some shopping will put me in a better mood.

arundhati roy must die

hello again. bored. another sober night. another peaceful day. most of today went by like a slow goods train. i watered the plants today. that was my highlight.

i have nothing to say. at all. not sure why i'm bothering with this at all but what the hell, why not? not like i have lots to say otherwise. i'm really in the mood to watch the wire again. i tried watching love, sex and dhoka and lasted about 15 minutes. seemed like utter shit. i'm quite glad i stopped going to the theatre to watch hindi movies that i thought would be vaguely interesting. striker was alright in parts i guess but mostly pretty shitty as well. i also finally saw naan kadavul which managed to live up to all the hype and managed to disturb the shit out of me for about 15 minutes after it was done. not bad.

i hope to one day live a life of complete and utter dishonesty. till then all i can do is strive.

i think i like typing shit out without capitalizing.

oh, mom made her cream and fruits thingy today but her friends ate almost all of it.

sick of it all rock and i can't wait for the new album. if the song is anything to go by then the album should be awesome.

i need to hide or block a whole bunch of people on my gtalk and facebook but i've already hidden 30% of my facebook friends and i still have annoying people.

also, tired of getting myspace links on my gtalk. it's become almost impossible to just talk to the people i want to talk to without getting bombarded with a bunch of have you seen this/ heard this/ fucked this nonsense. I do not want to check out new bands/movies unless I find it somewhere and decide i might like it. understand?

then, what else? not much. chalo, later man.

Omar coming

Sitting around in the afternoon with nothing to do and watching clips from The Wire.

Some sort of tribute to the character Omar from the show. I like this song and the video's pretty cool.

"I want to be normal."

"But, you're not."

"I could be if you'd let me."

hallways of always

I hope to turn the key around and walk right out into blinding sunlight so white that I cannot help but fall to my knees and say, “Thank You.”

There's a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like something terrible is going to happen. It's a feeling I can't shake off. Fucking drained man. I kid you not. I think it's generally the last few days. No sleep, my knee's been hurting again after a few years and I think I've had my fill of people and their curiosities. For a while.

This is the story of Tired and Tiresome. Two brothers who couldn't help but walk hand in hand to torment a poor soul who only needed to sleep. Wanted to sleep. There was no sleep, alas! The poor soul drifted and Tired and Tiresome took what they could. I think life is funny sometimes. I'm in a deep philosophical mood. I'm waiting for it to pass.

Fuck, the new Negura Bunget is worth every penny. This is really powerful shit. The opening song with the flute is the most haunting tune I've heard in a while. I feel like talking about this one will spoil the listening experience. Wow. Treat this with the reverence it deserves.

I wish Herzog had made Pagannini and not left Kinski to his own devices. Europeans and their names, no?

I'm off to watch Kinski doing Jesus Christ. Later.

the embalming of gods

I think I need to do something. About this constant need to fill you with garbage. I hope to keep away from certain elements. Make restitution to others. I need a new hobby. Something different. Don't worry. I intend to keep you around. Your secrets are mine to keep and keep them I shall. I'm getting to know more and more people. It's like as I grow older my list of acquaintances just keeps growing. I'm not sure what to make of it. Also, the Airline's gang is gone. It's over. Change has come and I find myself a remnant of something that has ceased to be. I missed it also. Like no idea when The End happened. The coffee still kicks ass and the service seems to have actually improved. Everything is more expensive now though. I think the music was on too loud. I'm hoping that tomorrow I'll wake up fresh and full of energy. I'm hoping that tomorrow I'll finish Declare and the djinns will live and Elena will die. I'm hoping Brokeback Mountain's actually worth the hype. I've got a couple of hankies in case it is. Today's match was a disgrace. What happens when you can predict a game like it's a Bollywood script. Unbelievable. Pune and Kochi get new teams. For astronomical sums of money. I want the Bangalore team to stay as it is. Keep all the South Africans. Kumble as captain for one more year. Praveen Kumar, Pandey, Dravid and Uthappa and we're set. Yes I realise I just said we. Can't help it. My village and it was awesome to watch them all play.

Got some business to take care of. Excuse me. (This Triptykon is one awesome band. I'm really liking this and have a sudden hankering towards the procurement of some Red Harvest CDs)

in shrouds decayed

I am your shrine, i am your womb
you'll rest inside of me, my flesh, I'll be your tomb.

Your words they came through foulest rain
A shroud of no good lies wrapping your remains

Your body draped next to mine
And hell ignores us; they've chosen to be blind

as if nothing existed here

I sit. Weary. Aching back and stiff shoulders. Bleary eyed and not sure what the time is. Or the day. I sit and wait for sleep. Sometimes I hope for it. Sleep's eluded me for months now. Since the big three O. I miss the swamp and everything that comes with it. I miss the swamp and its endless night. I miss the swamp. It used to scare me and then it didn't. The swamp became a refuge. I was up in it. Literally. Up to my neck. Then I stopped sleeping. Whats going on? I think I'm losing my mind. I think thats mostly whats going on.

I have a hundred rifles. Raquel Welch is in all of them. I'm listening to Tryptikon as we speak. Tom G Warrior's new band. Continuing along the merry lines of Monotheist. They're playing Roadburn too. I have a ridiculously large shopping list and it's only March. I shudder but grit my teeth and make a list.

I hope to one day own an island. That would be fun. With a waterfall or two and not too many bugs. Environmentally controlled would be preferable. Like a bubble or like Springfield in the movie but an island.

One of these days.

It seemed like we were traveling from signal to signal. Cutting our way through traffic, polluting the village with our cruel wit and cheap laughter. A hundred pointless Fridays. We thank God for this.

sick transit gloria mundi

The Coen brothers are remaking True Grit with Jeff Bridges filling in for The Duke. Wow. That news really cheered me up. Like wow man!

In other news not much is happening. I'm bored and a little tired and waiting for a phone call. Sad state of affairs. What to do i say? I kind of like it. My time on this earth is limited but I shall strive to be as retarded as I can be. No offence meant to the special people. I think I'm really happy and my room feels like my fucking room when I'm playing music. When my speakers are set and I'm sitting in the middle it's just perfect. Long play list happening. Farflung, Kongh, Orthodox, Red Harvest, Pensees Nocturne, Neurosis and Chumbawamba. I really like ABCDEFG.

I think in my humble opinion. Some would disagree.

Bored. It's worries me a little that people on my facebook always have shit they've done, are doing, have done and opinions and how come no one's ever bored. I'm fucking bored all the time. I think that's what really annoys me about facebook.

I'm off to see my first IPL match tomorrow. It should be good. Bangalore Vs. Rajasthan. Warne Vs. Kumble. 2 master tacticians finally going head to head. I'm backing Bangalore. Kallis looks great, Kumble's bowling well and Praveen Kumar is very effective. I'm liking Pandey as opener and Uthappa was terrific in the last game. Rajasthan basically has Yusuf Pathan and Warne. Looking good.

bongs away

Hello. it's been a while. Not a long while but some while at least. Life is moving at a very fast and predetermined pace and I'm struggling to catch up. Most times I'm only reacting as things happen around me and occasionally I'm letting things happen to me. It's a mostly liberating experience except for the catching up bit which is a little tiring.

The bong has been put away, the chillum has been relinquished, the bags have been packed and sealed and put away. I hope the bathtub doesn't feel lonely tonight.

I'm beginning to feel a slight and new sense of responsibility. It's there but not really adding anything in terms of weight. More when I figure it out I guess.

Sleep still plays truant. Rest continues to avoid his responsibilities. The rest of my relatives are doing well.

The Tim Powers book is progressing very nicely. For some reason I can never remember the titles of his books. I'll remember the stories, I'll remember specific scenes but no idea what the books are called.

I'm listening to gunshots amidst the early morning chirping of birds. It's not happening outside my window. It's not happening outside my window.

Tomorrow's a holiday. Today was almost a holiday. I'm done and dusted and considering a shave.

This Salem is a pretty good band except for a very muffled drum sound and slightly weird female vocals.

I think for the most part things are.

I think I'll leave in a bit and get that shave. I'd also like a massage and some time in a sauna. Preferably the non Finnish types.

I hope to finish some pending work this week. Long pending.

Then I might start on something new, wonderful and full of hope for a better tomorrow. Or I might just sleep.

"Don't anger the voices," she said. I think I'll listen.